Saved by the Boots
by RoadRunnerKirby
Summary: Another Nathaniel lives fic. Starts out when Bartimaeus and Nathaniel are in the Glass Palace. Because there isn't enough BartxNat out there. Warning: Slash, yaoi, shounen-ai, malexmale. Some KittyxJakob, too.
1. Chapter 1

Nathaniel was an okay master, all-in-all. He didn't torture me as much as he could have, at least. Maybe this was why I didn't really mind that I would be dying with him? I don't know. I can't understand why I feel this way. He still sent me out to do his dirty work! He still enslaved me! He's still a magician! He's still John Mandrake.

He isn't like Ptolemy.

If I felt this way for my dear Ptolemy, then I would have understood where I was coming from. Ptolemy was kind, and gentle, and caring. Nathaniel didn't care at all. He would have happily sent me to my death while he sat back and ate cucumber sandwiches, sipping his tea, making polite conversation with the higher-ups of the government.

But then what about the "frog incident," as I like to call it? He could have tortured the information out of me, ignoring the fact that I'd die. But he didn't. Actually, I think he should have killed me. Then he would have been a real magician. But instead, saving my life like that was his first step to the reemergence of Nathaniel from behind the mask of John Mandrake.

You see, Nathaniel has two personalities. John Mandrake, the evil, cold-hearted magician that would sell his own mother for a pair of shoes. Then, there's Nathaniel, the innocent little kid, deprived of a normal life, and struggling to find his place in this world. This is the part of him that I'm having these feelings for.

Dagnammit! I don't know what to do! Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter anyways. We're both about to die. And then it'll be over. The Great Bartimaeus, Sakhr al-Jinni, N'gorso the Mighty, and the Serpent of the Silver Plumes, will be over. To say the least, I wasn't too thrilled.

_Bartimaeus…_ I hear faintly, as Nouda stalks closer to us.

_Yes?_

_You've been a good servant…_

What was I supposed to say? Sure, I was flattered that he was actually complimenting me for once, but that's like telling someone their hair doesn't look nearly as hideous as it did yesterday.

_Well, um, you've been just dandy too. _This was my pathetic reply. I could practically hear the soft, sappy romance music playing in the background.

_I didn't say you were perfect._

The music came to a halt with a screech.

_What?_

_Far from it. You've generally managed to cock things up._

_WHAT?_ I decided that some insults were needed right now. To think, I was actually starting to _like_ him! The little jerk… _Well, since we're doing some straight talking, let me tell you, buddy—_

_Which is why I'm dismissing you right now._

_Eh? _I hadn't misheard. I knew I hadn't. I could read his mind. So… he was going to dismiss me? He was going to pull a Ptolemy and save my life? How dare he?! And to think, I thought this couldn't get any worse. I had given myself a pep talk, and I was totally willing to die with this ungrateful little sod, and now he's dismissing me?

_Don't take it the wrong way…_ He was already mumbling the correct spell. _It's just that… we've got to break the staff at the right moment here. You're holding it in check. But I can't rely on you for something as important as this. You're bound to mess it up somehow. Best thing is… best thing is to dismiss you now. That'll trigger the staff automatically. Then I _know_ it'll be done properly._ So it came down to trust again? Bloody paranoid magicians.

_Nathaniel—_

_Say hello to Kitty for me._ He was nearly done with the incantation. I panicked.

_NO!_ I slammed his mouth shut with all my strength, probably cracking a few of his teeth. He was rather weak, seeing as half his body was numb, so I easily overpowered him. That didn't keep him from trying to rip his mouth open, though. I could feel him going through the possibilities of why I was doing this. Probably thinks I want Nouda to rule the world, the bloody git. Then again, I can't blame him. Even I don't know why I'm doing this.

Nouda loomed over us, and he reached down with a massive hand. I needed to think of a way to get me and Nathaniel out of here, and quick.

_The boots…_ he thought faintly. He seemed to have accepted his fate.

I grinned. Genius, that boy was! I had forgotten we were still wearing the seven-league boots. Without further ado, I tossed the staff up at Nouda's face, bolted for the exit, and released my hold over the spirits inside. The resulting explosion was horrific, surely disintegrating anything within fifty feet of the Glass Palace.

But we hardly felt the aftershock. Because we collapsed a few miles away, barely able to see the flare of white along the horizon. We fell onto our knees, doubling over. Nathaniel was still weak. Darkness crept at the edge of our vision, but I forced us awake.

_I'm taking you to a hospital. Hold on for just a bit longer._ I met no resistance as I stood shakily, turning in the direction of the nearest medical clinic that wasn't burnt to the ground. Everything in sight was either aflame, or had huge, gaping holes in it. Except the whole buildings that seemed to have been ripped up by the roots and carried off.

I took a step, then two. There was a swirl of color around us, and wind on our face. It all stopped, and we found ourselves a meter from glass double doors. Inside I could see an almost obsessively white waiting room, with white tiles on the floor. Even the lights on the white ceiling seemed to be extra pale. The only thing that wasn't a completely blinding white were the chairs, which were black and iron (I avoided those), and the desk that was made of wood. Though, even the wood looked paler than normal. I stumbled inside, struggling to keep Nathaniel vertical. He seemed to be in shock that we weren't dead yet.

I staggered up to the previously mentioned pale front desk, where a young, blonde nurse was reading a magazine and chewing bubblegum loudly, looking altogether disinterested. I opened my mouth to speak, but all that came out was a hoarse croak that seemed to spend all of our remaining energy, and we crumpled to the floor, darkness quickly overtaking our vision.


	2. Chapter 2

Nathaniel woke up in a hospital bed, feeling rather sore. He could tell his side and shoulder were bandaged, and he was on drugs. That hardly stopped the pain, though. His eyes wandered around the room, seeing as that was the only thing he could move without it hurting. He was in a white room, basically. Everything was white, except for the pale wooden bedside table, and a few chairs off in the corner. He was momentarily blinded by the overpowering _whiteness_ of it all. He quickly closed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on.

Why was he even here, anyway? Wasn't he supposed to be dead? He thought back to the Glass Palace, bits of memory floating back to him. Talking to Kitty, giving her the amulet, Nouda coming at them, dismissing Bartimaeus… What next? He couldn't remember anything after that.

_Actually, failing to dismiss me would be the appropriate term._ He gasped out loud, jerking a bit. Pain shot up his side, and he quickly lay still.

_Bartimaeus? What happened? Why are you still here? Where are we?_ He felt confusion wash over him. He had a million questions, all begging to be answered.

_Whoa, hold on there, kiddo. One at a time. Okay, so, first question. I kind of took over your body and got us out of there in the nick of time…_

_YOU WHAT?!_ Nathaniel was horrified. Bartimaeus had had control over his body? Just imagine the things he could have done! Surprisingly, Nathaniel found himself trusting Bartimaeus. After all, he had saved his life, even if he could hardly remember it. He was alive, obviously, so that should be enough evidence.

_Calm down, I only stopped you from talking. No big deal, alright? The second question was kind of just answered. Oh, and we're in a hospital. I have no idea where we are besides that. I was a little desperate to keep us from dying, so I didn't really pay attention to my surroundings._

Nathaniel let this sink in. Bartimaeus had saved his life, and then dragged his near-unconscious body to a hospital. He felt relief well up inside of him. Truthfully, he was planning on dismissing Bartimaeus ever since they entered the Glass Palace. He had grown attached to the djinni, and he thought it a shame to see someone so lively and intelligent get snuffed out like that.

_In that case, thank you, Bartimaeus. I truly owe you one._

_Oh, stop it. You're making me blush._

_No, really! If there is anything I can do for you before I dismiss you, please let me know._ Bartimaeus hesitated. He wondered what djinn wished for. Probably just to be freed and forgot about. He found this rather depressing. He supposed djinn really were a bit mistreated. If he made it out of this alive, he vowed to try and get djinn and humans on the same side.

_Actually, Nathaniel, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. My dismissal…_ Nathaniel frowned. So he was right. Bartimaeus would ask to be freed right this moment, so he could go back to the Other Place and heal himself. Bleh. _I'd like to stay on Earth a bit longer, if that's okay with you. _Nathaniel blinked.

_Excuse me? I don't think I heard you correctly._

_Of course you heard me correctly, idiot. We're reading each other's minds!_

_Oh… but… why would you want to stay here, Bartimaeus? Aren't you a bit weak? Don't you want to get back to the Other Place to heal?_

_I don't need that anymore. Apparently, while we were unconscious, my essence was feeding off of your soul, and repairing itself. Your body has been taking longer to heal, because I've been leeching off you._

_Why thank you, Bartimaeus. I was wondering why I felt like crap._

_You're welcome. Anyway, I feel perfect! No wonder you humans like your bodies. They're very effective at protecting you from the Earthiness of everything here._

_I'll take that as a compliment. So, how long has it been, do you suppose?_

_I'd guess at a few days, maybe a week. There are some flowers over there on the table, and they're a bit wilted. I wonder who sent them._

Nathaniel was surprised. Who would send him flowers? He cracked his eyes open, tilting his head painfully to gaze at the vase full of roses, daisies, and violets. _Wow. They're pretty. The only people I know that would send me a bouquet would be Kitty or Piper. Well, maybe not Kitty. She must hate me for breaking her promise._

_What do you mean? You're alive, aren't you?_

_Correction: trying to break her promise. Why the Hell is this room so white?_

_Don't ask me. I think all the people here are a bit messed up in the head._ Nathaniel closed his eyes again. Damn. That was the whitest white paint he had ever seen. He heard a door open, but didn't bother trying to see who it was. He was feeling a bit tired again. Just as he was about to drift off, Bartimaeus's voice pulled him out of it. _It's Kitty!_ His eyes snapped open, and his head jerked to the side.

"Kitty?" His voice was more like a croak than anything. Sure enough, there stood Kitty Jones, the Amulet of Samarkand around her neck, and looking rather surprised. He was glad to see that most of her small cuts and bruises were pretty much healed.

"Nathaniel? You're awake?" He nodded mutely. Kitty was shifting around awkwardly, looking at anything but Nathaniel. "How did you know it was me?"

"Bartimaeus," he whispered simply. Suddenly, a stronger voice came from his mouth, a bit deeper than his own.

"Hey, Kitty! You're looking better!" Kitty looked shocked.

"Bartimaeus is in there too?"

Nathaniel nodded, while Bartimaeus said, "No, I've just been practicing ventriloquism." Needless to say, they looked rather funny. But Kitty didn't laugh. Actually, tears welled up in her eyes, and she flung her arms around Nathaniel's neck, taking them both by surprise.

"Oh, _Nathaniel._ I thought you were dead… and Bartimaeus…" She pulled away suddenly, wiping her tears on her sleeve. "How did you two get out, anyway?"

"Seven-league boots," Bartimaeus said simply, sounding a little sour. She nodded, and simply stared at them for a few moments. Then she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Nathaniel's cheek.

"Nathaniel… I'm so glad you're alive…" And then she went about cuddling into his chest, trying to avoid his wounds. Needless to say, Nathaniel's face turned a shade of red that would have rivaled a tomato.

_Oh, stop it, before I puke. _Bartimaeus thought nastily. What's gotten into him?


	3. Chapter 3

Kitty rearranged the flowers in the vase nervously. It had been a week, and Nathaniel was still asleep. The doctor told her that he would definitely live, but he might be in a coma or something. She wasn't really paying attention at the time.

A week ago, she had seen the Glass Palace explosion. She had turned away from the blinding white light, not wanting her eyes burned out of her sockets, thank you very much. That was when she saw the blur of black along the white, going so fast she could hardly tell what it was. She thought it was probably her imagination, but then she remembered that in movies, the people who think of stuff that way usually get killed off. Besides, she was sure it had come out of the Glass Palace, so it was either Nouda, Nathaniel, Bartimaeus, or another demon hybrid. The latter was the least probable. And Nouda was a bit more… deformed than the shape she had seen.

With even the tiniest sliver of hope that Nathaniel was alive, she had to investigate. She hardwired a car, something Stanley had taught her in her Resistance days. She searched around for three days in all of the buildings that were still standing that she could find. She lived off of food she stole from a few abandoned grocery stores. She asked everyone she met about Nathaniel, giving them vivid descriptions. No one had seen him. She was just about to give up when she came across a hospital that was still in use.

She rushed inside, asking the girl at the front desk as many questions as possible, as fast as possible.

She had said that yes, there was a kid that came in there a few days ago. He matched the description Kitty gave. They didn't know his name. He had collapsed and then had been carried off to a room.

Kitty asked if she could see him.

The nurse said only family could visit.

Kitty told her she was his sister. She was given paperwork to fill out. She made most of it up, writing that his name was Nathaniel Jones. They were orphans, apparently. She didn't want the hospital calling up her parents and asking if they had a son. She couldn't remember much else about what she wrote. It didn't matter now, though. She was let in to see Nathaniel, and she almost cried with relief that he wasn't dead yet.

She spent most of that day and the next hanging around in his room, staring silently at him. The next day, she left to find him some flowers, the ones she was currently messing with. They were a bit wilted by now.

That day, she had run into Piper, one of Nathaniel's secretaries. She helped find the flowers, and then came back to the hospital to see Nathaniel. She was one of the last remaining magicians. Piper was the new Prime Minister, and she was gathering together commoners and magicians alike for the new government. She offered Kitty a place as one of the ministers, but she refused.

Then Kitty started to let off steam, ranting to the poor woman about Nathaniel and Bartimaeus, and basically just everything about their current situation. Piper told her that all the young man needed was a girlfriend or something, all the while staring suggestively at Kitty.

Kitty was confused at first. She didn't think of Nathaniel that way. He was more like her annoying little brother. She told Piper this, and quickly changed the subject. She just didn't think they would work out.

After Piper left, she thought about what she had said. Maybe Piper was trying to get them together because she thought Nathaniel felt that way about her? But that didn't make sense. Perhaps Piper was just one of those girls that tried to play matchmaker? But what if Nathaniel really did have a crush on her? She was flattered, but she decided to wait and see. She wouldn't bring it up if no one else did. What was the worst that could happen?

Kitty didn't realize that that was another line often said in the movies right before something horrible happens. If she had been sane enough to notice this, she would have jumped out a window.

All this time, she had refused to let the nurses take care of her small scrapes and bruises. She didn't have time for that. What if Nathaniel awoke while she was off getting pampered? She didn't want him to be alone. Ever. She only left to eat and use the bathroom, and even then she waited until the last moment. Speaking of which…

She stood and walked towards the door. She was getting rather obsessed with the boy. She made her way to the bathroom, going as slow as possible. She needed to get out of that room. It just wasn't healthy. She was quickly losing hope again. What if Nathaniel never woke up? No, she shouldn't think like that. He'd make it. She was sure of it.

After she spent five minutes rearranging the bars of soap in the bathroom into a pretty design, she decided she had stalled long enough. She'd just check on Nathaniel, then go out to eat. Maybe check out the Glass Palace remains. She poked her head in the door, only to see the boy exactly as she left him. She noticed that he looked oddly young now, vulnerable even.

She stepped inside and closed the door behind her, feeling ridiculous. Of course Nathaniel wouldn't have woken up in the few minutes she was gone. She resisted the urge to sigh, and stared down at her shoes. She was about to turn around when she heard a weak voice.

"Kitty?" She looked up and blinked in surprise. She very nearly did a victory dance right then and there. She had been so worried her only friend wouldn't make it, and now that he was staring blearily at her in a confused and surprised way, those concerns seemed silly.

"Nathaniel? You're awake?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even. She didn't know what to say to him now. She had been praying she could just talk to him this whole time, not knowing what she would tell him in the first place. He nodded, looking like he had been interrupted from a nap. Something occurred to her, suddenly. "How did you know it was me?"

"Bartimaeus," he said simply, as if she should have known that. She was confused again. When she opened her mouth to ask about it, a familiar voice interrupted her.

"Hey, Kitty! You're looking better!" Kitty jumped a bit.

"Bartimaeus is in there too?" She knew it would be logical that Bartimaeus would still be with Nathaniel, but she just didn't expect it.

Nathaniel nodded at the same time that Bartimaeus said sarcastically, "No, I've just been practicing ventriloquism." Kitty's eyes welled up with tears. Bartimaeus was still his sarcastic self. What they went through couldn't have been too bad if the djinni could still make jokes, right?

She couldn't take it anymore. She flung herself forward, throwing her arms around their neck. She let the tears flow freely, soaking Nathaniel's shirt. "Oh, _Nathaniel._ I thought you were dead… and Bartimaeus…" She pulled away suddenly, wiping her tears on her sleeve. "How did you two get out, anyway?" she asked curiously, desperate to know.

"Seven-league boots," Bartimaeus answered. She noticed he sounded a little angry. She nodded, and sat back to stare at them. Nathaniel and Bartimaeus. They were alive. On impulse, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Nathaniel's cheek.

"Nathaniel… I'm so glad you're alive…" she whispered, burying her face in his chest. She let herself cry with relief. She felt guilty for a brief moment that she might be staining his shirt, but it quickly passed.


	4. Chapter 4

How dare she?! As soon as Nathaniel woke up, Kitty was all over him! And I was just about to tell him how I feel, too.

While Natty-Boy was out, I got a chance to think about my feelings for him. I remember something like this with Ptolemy, except not as strong. I hated the thought of it, but all evidence pointed towards the fact that I am in love with my master.

And not just any master, oh no. The snot-nosed little brat that put me through Hell for the last… two years, wasn't it? Well anyway, he's a jerk. Like I told him after the Golem incident, the boy that was Nathaniel's fading, almost gone.

But now, John Mandrake died in the Glass Palace explosion. All that's left is Nathaniel, whether he likes it or not… right? I hope so.

Actually, all this multiple personality crap is giving me a headache. I should have just jumped in front of a truck a couple decades ago, and then I'd have saved myself the trouble.

Back to the point. I think I'm in love with Nathaniel, and it's annoying. I want to strangle him, but I know that if I do, I won't be able to live without him. Gah. I want out of his body, and I want out NOW.

_Nathaniel, I think I'm getting cabin fever from staying in here so long. Can't you figure out a spell or something to just remove me from your body, and not dismiss me?_

_Actually, yes, I've been thinking about that. I've had to do quite a bit of tweaking to a summoning spell, but I think I've got it. Maybe I can do this before Kitty gets back… She wouldn't like me doing spells. _Kitty had gone off to get some food for herself, after forcefully suggesting Nathaniel eat everything the nurse gave him, or she'd shove everything he didn't eat up the other end. The scary thing was, I know she wasn't joking. Ever since her little mental break down a few hours ago, she was practically breathing for us.

_Don't you need a pentacle or something?_

_Only if I don't want you to kill me. As long as you promise not to shove me out a window or anything, I think we'll be fine. _Whoa. Nathaniel trusted me? How creepy was that? I was just about to get used to being given a three minute long speech about what not to do when I went out to get groceries._ Alright, get ready then._ Nathaniel started mumbling out some stuff I didn't pay attention to. A minute later, I felt myself being tugged up and out, and I went with it. It felt like I was being dismissed, but halfway through, I was sucked down to the floor again. I chose Ptolemy's form, in just a simple Egyptian skirt. I grinned and jogged in place for a bit, and then started doing stretches.

"Woo! I feel _so_ much better. How 'bout you, Natty?" I turned to look at the boy, and his face was a bit red. I raised an eyebrow, glancing down at Ptolemy's half-naked form. _Ooh!_ Why, I didn't know Natty-boy swung that way. Oh well, makes my job all the easier. I struck a pose. "Like what you see?" I inquired innocently. It only made him blush harder.

"N-No. I'm just… a bit worn out from a sudden spell, is all." Worn out my foot, the little jerk. Why couldn't he just admit he's attracted to me so I can tease him about it, and then jump him? Honestly. Kids have no respect for their betters these days.

"Right. Nice save. Well, whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess I'll go along with it." I strutted over to a chair and plopped down, my hands behind my head and my legs crossed leisurely. "So. What're you gonna do once you get better?"

Trying to forget my earlier teasing, he shrugged. "I don't know. Probably help rebuild the government or something. Maybe take a long vacation. I'm tired of saving London from certain doom and destruction all the time." Oh, the poor kid. He actually looked rather pouty.

"Yeah, summoning up helpless djinn and sending them out to steal amulets, stop golems, and harness magical power far beyond anything anyone has seen in the last century or so. Oh yes, must take a whole lot out of a guy." My sarcasm, as always, is not taken in as the brilliant wisdom it really is. Nathaniel simply scowled and glared weakly at me.

"Actually, I'm going to try and stop enslaving djinn. When you were in my body, it made me realize how mistreated your kind really are. I'm sorry, Bartimaeus. Please forgive me for being an arrogant jerk all this time." I smiled pleasantly at him.

"Gee, Nathaniel, that was kind of sweet, in a twisted childish sort of way. And I find the correct term for what you are is 'arrogant, low-life scum of the Earth jerk that needs a psychiatrist.' But your version is good, too."

"Thank you for making me feel so good about myself, Bartimaeus."

"You're welcome. Oh, and about the whole 'inside your body' talk. Yeah, that has to stop. People will start getting the wrong idea about us two." Don't get me wrong, I was totally fine with strangers asking us when our wedding will be, but I don't think the kid would like it. Unfortunately, I didn't get to hear his opinion on it, since that was when Kitty decided to join us. She took one look at me, then gave Nathaniel the famous death glare known only to women and their sneaky minds.

"Nathaniel…" she began warningly, and the kid turned rather pale. I hopped up.

"Well, see ya Natty-Boy! I'm off to… uh… get some fresh air! Yes, fresh air, heh…" To tell you the truth, I was just too chicken to stick around for Nathaniel's death by Kitty. Hey, don't look at me like that. Did you see the look on her face? Oh, right, this being a written story and all that. Maybe I'm not describing this accurately enough for you? Let's just say, she was so ominous even I, the brave Bartimaeus, had to flee.

I hung around the waiting room, conversing with the nurses and being an altogether nuisance. I suddenly remembered that Kitty was competition in the Win Nathaniel's Heart game, and I really don't want the two alone together. But I didn't want to be in the same room as an evil Kitty, either.

I compromised. I went outside and spent a few minutes trying to locate the window to Nathaniel's room. Once I found it, I turned into a lizard and scaled the building, peeping inside. Excuse my chat speak, but… OH EM GEE.

Nathaniel and Kitty were _hugging_. What the Hell? I ran back down the side of the building, quickly changing back into Ptolemy and running inside, my arms flailing, shoving anyone in my way. I was also repeating something to myself over and over, but I don't really know what it was. It sounded kind of like "EDGUIFBYSDFMOVEDANGIT." Yeah, don't ask.

I paused at the door to Nathaniel's room to catch my breath, then I slowly opened it, doing my best to recreate Kitty's look of doom. Kitty was back in her chair, turning to smile innocently at me, while Nathaniel was blushing and looking rather flattered.

ARGH! Kitty has corrupted his mind! I shall never leave Natty-Boy alone with the Jones Menace ever again!

"Kitty, I'd like to talk to you alone for a bit, please," I said quietly, surprised by how level my voice was. The Bartimaeus was angry. _No one _messes with _my_ man.


	5. Chapter 5

Nathaniel really didn't know what was wrong with himself. He saw Bartimaeus as Ptolemy before, in even skimpier outfits than _that._ Maybe his hormones were finally kicking in? But then why _Bartimaeus_, and not Kitty or one of the pretty nurses or something? Oh well, he'd figure it out eventually.

His worries were quickly forgotten about once Kitty gave him _that_ look. Sure, he was healing pretty fast now, but he still had no hope of outrunning her.

"Nathaniel…" she began, scowling. Bartimaeus hopped up and made for the door.

"Well, see ya Natty-Boy! I'm off to… uh… get some fresh air! Yes, fresh air, heh…" And then he was out the door with his tail between his legs. Stupid coward…

"Nathaniel," Kitty began again, and his attention snapped back to her. "What did you do?"

Nathaniel gulped quietly as Kitty stalked forward. "Um… I released Bartimaeus."

"Why?"

"He said he was getting 'cabin fever' or something… Look, Kitty, just doing spells can't really hurt me, so please don't break my arm or anything. I'm in enough pain as is." He flinched into his pillow at the very thought. Kitty's expression softened.

"I wouldn't break your arm. I'm just mad you didn't tell me what you were going to do." Nathaniel blinked.

"Oh. Sorry." There was a bit of awkward silence. Kitty went to sit down in the chair, looking very interested in playing with her shirt sleeve.

"Nathaniel, I've been noticing something," she began hesitantly. "I think someone has a crush on you."

Nathaniel paled. "Kitty, I am very sorry, but I really don't like you that way. Can we at least be friends?"

Kitty's head snapped up, and she looked rather confused. "Huh?" She thought over what he just said. "Oh! You thought it was me?" She suddenly laughed loudly, shaking her head. "Don't flatter yourself. I'm talking about someone else, silly."

Nathaniel sighed in relief. "Oh really? Well who is it?" he asked, closing his eyes boredly.

"Bartimaeus." His eyes snapped back open and he stared at her in horror.

"WHAT?!"

"Didn't you see how angry he got when I kissed you? If he liked me, he would have been happier, because technically, I was kissing him, too. But he was all angry and stuff, so he's got to have a crush on you." Kitty looked absolutely thrilled at the prospect of them together. Nathaniel thought it over. He had been feeling strangely towards Bartimaeus lately. Could the djinni really like him that way?

"I-I… I don't know what to say," he mumbled finally. Kitty grinned at him.

"Well, if you do decide to get together, I'd just like to let you know, I'm still both of your friends. I support you both no matter what you do." She skipped over to his bed and bent down to hug him tightly. Nathaniel blushed and hugged her back, being careful not to bother his wounds.

"Um… thanks, Kitty. But I'm really not sure what to do. I mean, Bartimaeus could have just gathered more respect for me after the Glass Palace incident. Maybe he just doesn't want us together because he thinks you're not good enough for me?" Nathaniel couldn't help but go through every possibility, not wanting to get his hopes up and have them crushed. After all, Bartimaeus was very pleasant to be around, as long as you were on the same side as him.

"Yes, you're right. And the sky could also be purple." She pulled away and flopped back down in her chair, still smiling happily. "Why don't you just accept my judgment, hm?"

"How can you tell, anyway?"

"I'm a girl. I know these things. Now, don't try to ask him about it before he tells you how he feels, alright? He might be still in denial."

"Whoa, hold up. I'm still in denial, too. What do I do if he asks me?" Nathaniel didn't know when he came to accept that Bartimaeus might be in love with him, of all people, but he still wasn't sure if he felt the same.

"Tell the truth," she said simply. "Come on, don't be nervous. He's still the sarcastic djinni we all love. Besides, who wouldn't want to fall in love with you?" She grinned at him some more, and he blushed. He didn't think he was _that_ good-looking…

The door opened, and Bartimaeus walked into the room, looking subtly ticked off. "Kitty, I'd like to talk to you alone for a bit, please." Nathaniel's heart dropped as Kitty got up and happily walked out with Bartimaeus.

Had he been listening to their conversation? Had he heard everything? Did he hate him now? Nathaniel's heart throbbed at the thought. Yes, alright, so maybe he had a _tiny_ crush on Bartimaeus. It's not like any of _you_ would be able to resist that hunk of a djinni.

But what if it is Kitty that Bart is after, not Nathaniel? Perhaps he was just angry that Kitty thought he would love pathetic little magician John Mandrake?

Nathaniel found that he was needlessly stressing himself out, and forcing himself into depression. So what if Bartimaeus hated him? He'd live. He'd probably go off and marry some nice magician girl, adopt an apprentice, and live happily ever after.

But the thought of running away with Bartimaeus and meeting danger at every corner sounded a lot more exciting. Nathaniel sighed. He decided to wait and see what happens. If Bartimaeus started flirting with him, great. If he didn't, too bad. No need to get all worked up about something that may or may not be true.

After a few more minutes, Bartimaeus and Kitty came back into the room, both looking rather pleased. Nathaniel didn't get a chance to talk to Kitty, because Bartimaeus seemed afraid to leave them alone. It was as if they were joined at the hip.

Oddly, this worried Nathaniel to no end. He had decided not to think about it, and so he wouldn't. Even if he was scared to death.

* * *

I thank you all for being patient. School just started, and it fails majorly. D: I'll try to update faster and make longer chapters and such. Also, please review and give me plot ideas, if you want this thing continued. I'm thinking about resurrecting Jane Farrar and making Barty beat her up. 8D Everyone likes sexual frustration, right? Poor Natty. Well anyway, tell me what ya think! If I can't come up with a great idea, I'll probably end it in just a few chapters. But don't worry, I'll make bunches of little humor stories about an AU-ish Natty and Bart, who're roommates, and Kitty, their neighbor. It'll be tons of fun, I promise. xD Alright, I'll shut up now. ON TO TEH REVIEWNESS.


	6. Chapter 6

I stepped aside to let Kitty pass me, noiselessly boiling with fury. She was moving in on my man! Oh-ho, Barty is angry now. She practically skipped outside, and closed the door behind herself. I grabbed her arm and dragged her far enough down the hall so that Nathaniel couldn't hear us. I turned to glare at her. "What the heck do you think you're doing?!"

She winced. "Okay, before you kill me, just hear me out, alright? I know about you and Nathaniel's love-hate thing going on, and—"

"Wait, you knew?" I interrupted. She obviously saw that that was the wrong thing to say. "I saw you hugging him! So you are trying to ruin my chances, aren't you, you dirty little meddler?!"

"Now hold on, I only see Nathaniel as a retarded little brother, that's all. As I was saying, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, I—"

My eyes narrowed in anger, and I lifted a hand towards her, debating over whether or not I should blast a detonation through her head. She still had resistance, so it wouldn't hurt her _too_ bad. Besides, we were in a hospital. "Listen here, Missy. Nathaniel is _mine._ If you even dare try to—"

She was shaking her head frantically now. "No! I only wanted to help get you two together, honest! I don't want Nathaniel. You can have him!" She paused in doubt while I was trying to calm myself down so I wouldn't kill her on the spot. She seemed to gain a bit of confidence in my self-control. She stepped forward and grabbed my hand, standing on her toes to look me in the eye. I was still preoccupied, so at first, her words didn't register in my head.

"Nathaniel is in love with you. Or, at the very least, he has a crush on you."

Stupid Kitty, being her stupid flirty self, and trying to trick me by telling me Natty-Boy loved m—

"WHAT?!" I choked on air and staggered back, coughing violently. She giggled and patted me on the back.

"I know. That's what he said. Now if you still want to decapitate me, go ahead. It won't help your chances with Nathaniel, though."

I spent many seconds, slouched against the hospital wall, thinking. By God, if Kitty is telling the truth… Wow. Just… wow. That's all I can think. Except for the obvious 'yay I get to make out with Natty' thought, of course. I don't know how long I stood there, but a nurse that happened to pass us stopped to ask if I was okay. I vaguely heard Kitty tell her that I was just in shock, and a glass of water would be nice so she could pour it on my head. I snapped out of it at that. No water on Barty's head! 'Tis a no-no!

"Just try it and I'll shove you out a window. Now give me girly love advice, quick!" I grabbed her by the shoulders and dragged her away again, eagerly. She seemed absolutely delighted.

"I thought you'd never ask!" We spend a few minutes hanging around the lobby. She told me about a bunch of unrelated happy ending stories, which I didn't pay any attention to. I had more important things to think about, like Nathaniel in his underwear. Wow. Heh… _mine_… "So did you get that, Bartimaeus?"

Oh crap. She said my name. "Uh… yeah. But how am I gonna get Natty-Boy to fess up about his feelings?" Nice. She'll never know I wasn't listening now!

She gave me a look that clearly stated that she had just explained that. "Alright, new plan, then. Just walk up and say, 'Hey, I'm in love with you. Let's go out!'"

I stared at her. "You've got to be kidding me."

"If you don't, I will. Your choice." We glared at each other for a bit.

"You aren't serious, are you?"

"Completely."

"Oh." I stared at her some more. She really was evil. I sighed. "Alright, I'll do it, happy? I'm just a bit nervous about declaring my eternal love to the one being I want to kill most right now, thank you very much." I decided I was going to be pouty about it until she agreed on a different plan.

"Ooh, eternal love? Cute! I'll go tell him now, then, shall I?" She skipped off in the direction of Natty's room, and I paled. Frankly, I was scared that she really was trying to trick me or something. I guess I'm just naturally paranoid. I ran after her and clung to her arm, probably cutting off blood circulation.

"Try anything smart and I won't hesitate to kill you, alright?" She pouted and nodded reluctantly. I let go of her, and it seemed to take forever to get to Nathaniel's room.

"Just remember; he loves you too, alright? Try to be happy." I couldn't help it. I smiled and took a deep breath before opening the door. Nathaniel was where I left him, looking like he wanted to run away. I couldn't blame him. I went and stood by the chair, which Kitty sat in. We shifted around awkwardly for a while, looking at anything but each other. After a few minutes, I felt an elbow jab into my side, and looked down at Kitty. She was eyeing me intently. I gulped quietly and looked away. No, I was not scared. Shut up. Kitty stood suddenly, and made her way toward the door. "I think I'll just go… uh… get something to drink. You two have fun." With that, she was out of the room.

Oh no. Oh crap. Darn you Kitty! Darn you to the deepest pits of Heck! I most certainly am not mentally stable at the moment, stupid girl. Once again, crap. I slowly turned to look at Nathaniel, who was blushing like mad. I cleared my throat and sat down, fiddling with my fingers. I was just trying to stall now.

"Uh… Nathaniel…"

"Let me guess. You and Kitty are newlyweds or something, and you're running off to have a happy demon-human hybrid family, am I right?" I blinked in surprise, but didn't look up at him. He sounded rather bitter, and I flinched when he said 'demon' instead of 'djinni'.

"Um. No. Not really." I got no answer. I glanced up at him, and he was looking the other way. I took a deep breath, getting ready.

"I think I love you!" we both shouted at the same time, and I flinched in surprise. We stared at each other for a long time in silence, both of us going into a mini shock.

"Well then. Glad we could settle this!" I said brightly, after a while. And then I pounced, crossing the room in one bound and attacking his mouth with mine.

I can't honestly say he was complaining.

* * *

FINALLY. The moment of truth! Thank you, thank you! -bows- No applause please, just throw money! :D Once again, REVIEWNESSPLZ. At least tell me how much my writing stinks. D: And personally, I think the whole story was going a bit fast. SO COMPLAIN, DANGIT. And also, just a few more chapters if no one gives me an idea. -hinthint-


	7. Chapter 7

You all should be happy. This is the longest chapter yet, just because I couldn't find a good way to split it. D: OH WELZ. I love you all. This is your birthday present. 8D

* * *

Kitty really hoped they didn't do anything indecent. Nathaniel was still healing, after all. She went to go see the remainders of the Glass Palace. They had a crew of imps, foliots, and, surprisingly, commoners and magicians picking apart the mess of glass and iron. Everyone Kitty saw still looked a bit shaken up about the whole Nouda affair, but that was all in the past. She spent a while trying to squeeze some info out of a burly man that seemed to be supervising this, but he was a tough nut to crack. Literally. He looked a bit mentally unstable.

She eventually got bored, and once she got back to the hospital and poked her head in Natty's door, Nathaniel was asleep, cuddling into Bartimaeus's side. Luckily, they were both fully clothed. She nearly cooed at how adorable they were, but Bart's eye cracked open and glared warningly at her. Kitty smiled and waved, then motioned for him to come over there. Bartimaeus scowled and shook his head, pulling Nathaniel closer to his side possessively. Kitty rolled her eyes and made to walk inside and heave him out, but he caught on quickly. Bartimaeus silently pried Nathaniel off of his arm, who let out a whimper and rolled over. Bart then dragged Kitty outside, obviously in a bad mood.

"What do you want? Can't a guy cuddle with his boyfriend in peace?"

Kitty didn't listen. With a squeal, she jumped up and locked her arms around Bartimaeus's neck, forcing him to spin around in a circle with the momentum of her glomp. Bart stumbled around a bit, trying to stay vertical as Kitty babbled on about the utter cuteness radiating off of the very thought of Bartimaeus and Nathaniel cuddling. He winced and tried to shove Kitty off, but that girl was relentless.

"Yes, I know he's adorable, that's one of the reasons I love him. Now can you please stop trying to choke me?"

Kitty let go and took a step back, neatly avoiding Bartimaeus's playful punch to the gut. She beamed at him. "Great job, Barty! I knew you could do it! So, I know you're a djinni and everything, but can you get pregnant? _Are_ you pregnant? Are you getting married? I think—"

Bartimaeus clapped a hand over Kitty's mouth, his left eye twitching. "Kitty, we have been together for thirty minutes. No, I bloody well can't get pregnant, you little punk, and I am _not_, and we aren't getting married! Oh, and I disagree. You _don't _think."

Kitty waited until he was done ranting, then ripped his hand off her mouth and started bouncing up and down. "Do you plan on getting married, though? Is that even legal? Nathaniel would love that! Can I arrange your wedding? I promise it'll be so awesome you won't even—"

Once again, Bartimaeus's hand descended on Kitty's mouth. He waited a few minutes while her lips moved under his hand, creating a quiet buzz of words. He took his hand off her face.

"—to do about Nathaniel's hair? The army cut will have to go. And you're immortal, right? Are you going to take Natty-boy to the Fountain of Youth or something? That would be cute, both of you living together for eternity. And what about—"

No, it wasn't safe yet. Bart held Kitty in a headlock, his hand still firmly over her mouth. He dragged her over to where a nurse was bringing lunch to a patient. He grabbed the banana from the tray, freed Kitty's head, and stuffed the banana in her mouth, peel and all.

"Kitty, breathe. That is not in the near future. I'll deal with it once it comes up. Maybe, _maybe_, I _might_ propose to Natty-boy or something. But until that time, I'd like it if you didn't have a seizure. Thanks. Now I'm off to cuddle with my boyfriend." Bartimaeus stomped off, back to Nathaniel's room. Kitty scowled and spat out the banana, making a face.

"But I just can't wait that long!" she whined sadly. Oh well, at least they were happy at the moment. Kitty suddenly realized that now, she was the only one left single. Hm… "I'm going to call Jakob!" she announced, getting strange looks from passersby.

* * *

A week and a half later and Nathaniel was able to walk out of the hospital without any help, only limping slightly. Bartimaeus rushed to his side and wrapped an arm around his waist possessively. Nathaniel blushed and said that he can walk just fine on his own, thanks.

"So? Does that mean I can't touch you?" Bartimaeus asked innocently. He didn't wait for Nathaniel's answer, and simply kissed him. Nathaniel tried to protest and free his mouth so he could yell properly, but soon gave in, going limp in Barty's arms.

"Oy, lovebirds! Hurry up, will you? We're supposed to meet Jakob at the airport in thirty minutes!" Kitty wedged herself in between the couple, hands on hips. Bartimaeus tried futilely to reach around her to Nathaniel, but Kitty was invading his personal space. "Can't you control yourself for five minutes, or do I have to hold your hand the whole way? Come on! You can molest Nathaniel at the airport!" She grabbed said teen by the arm and dragged him toward the impatient taxi she had waved down. Bartimaeus muttered something about pushy, interfering best friends, but he was ignored. Nathaniel just blushed, as usual.

"Where to, Miss?"

"The London airport, please." Kitty shoved Nathaniel off to one side of the taxi, Bartimaeus scowling on her other side. She was bouncing up and down impatiently the whole way there. Twenty-seven minutes, and Kitty shoved some money at the taxi driver, dragging the other two off into the airport. She looked all around, standing on her toes to see over the crowd, muttering to herself. Nathaniel shifted nervously and shuffled over to stand beside Bartimaeus, who grinned triumphantly.

"Why do you look so worried?" he asked, wrapping an arm around Natty's shoulders.

"Well, Kitty really likes this guy, and the last time he saw us together, we were kidnapping him. I don't know what he'll do, now that Kitty doesn't hate us anymore."

It didn't take much longer to locate the paranoid Hyrnek boy, for he was the only one dressed in a low wide-brimmed hat and a high-collared jacket. Kitty shoved her way over to him, and they exchanged a friendly hug. Once Nathaniel and Bartimaeus managed to squeeze up beside them, Kitty had removed Jakob's hat to see his face properly. He still had the ugly black streaks marring his skin, and he still looked paranoid about it, but they paid the markings no mind.

"Jakob, do you remember John Mandrake and Bartimaeus? Well, surprise-surprise, but we're friends now. So no murder, okay?" she said teasingly, her voice only hinting at her stress. Jakob frowned at the boy and djinni, especially Bart's arm slung over Nat's shoulders.

"Of course I remember them. How could I not? They kidnapped me to lure you into their little trap," he muttered bitterly. Kitty winced.

"Yes, well, they're good now. Also, John Mandrake goes by Nathaniel currently. So, I order you to apologize and shake hands." Three pairs of eyes glared at Kitty incredulously. Then, Nathaniel stepped forward and held his hand out, with a stony and resigned face.

"I'm sorry I sent Bartimaeus to kidnap you, Jakob Hyrnek. I was being an idiot."

Jakob eyed him warily, and then shook his hand, squeezing a little tighter than necessary. "I apologize for hitting you in the head while you were kidnapping me." They both winced at the memory, and let go. Nathaniel flexed his fingers painfully.

"Well, I didn't really do anything in this, so I'm sorry Nathaniel was being an idiot." Jakob and Bart shook hands too, and this time, Jakob was left with a nearly-broken hand. Bartimaeus scowled and pulled Nathaniel back to his side again. _No one_ messed with _his_ Nathaniel.

"See? That wasn't so bad!" Kitty said cheerfully. "Come on, Jakob. Let's get your stuff to my house. Do you know where you'll be staying?"

"No. Do you mind if I sleep on your couch until I can find somewhere else?"

"No, of course not! Oh, and Nathaniel and Barty are my neighbors now. Natty got a bit of a reward from the PM for saving London and stuff, and wanted to buy me an actual house—"

"Because your flat was so small and crummy!"

"—but I kept telling him he's a moron. He didn't listen and bought me a house anyway, so I didn't see the point in wasting money." Jakob looked very entertained, to say the least. Kitty waved down another taxi and shoved Jakob's bags in the trunk, and the three boys into the cab in less than a minute. Nathaniel had to sit on Bartimaeus's lap, because there were only three seats, and Bart was complaining about not getting to finish what they started. That poor cab driver.

Once back at Kitty's place, the driver got money shoved in his face and the amusing picture of one scrawny little girl dragging three grown boys by the ears, two of them with duffle bags shoved into their guts. Haha.

"Well, home sweet home!" Kitty declared brightly, nearly kicking in the door. "I'll go make some tea!" She skipped off toward the kitchen, humming.

Jakob glanced at Bartimaeus, rubbing his sore ear. "Is she always like that now?"

"You mean pushy, obnoxious, no respect for personal space, abusive, and sickeningly enthusiastic?"

"Yes."

"Oh, of course."

Bartimaeus shoved Jakob's stuff into some corner, and plopped down on the black leather couch, pulling Nathaniel into his lap. The poor boy squeaked, blushed, and tried to wiggle away. Sadly, Bartimaeus is super strong, so it only took minimal effort to keep Nathaniel in one spot. Jakob felt a bit sorry for him, too.

There were more bonding moments as Kitty came back with the tea, and insisted on giving Jakob a tour. Bartimaeus got bored quickly, and carried Nathaniel on his shoulder outside and over to their own house. He hardly noticed that Natty-boy was trying to punch him in the face and run away. Nathaniel did _not_ want to get molested, thanks.

Bartimaeus opened the door, stepped inside, kicked it shut, and kissed Nathaniel on the forehead. "Is there a reason you're being difficult today?" he asked poutily. "Well, more difficult than usual, at least."

"It's been a week or two. Aren't you feeling a bit tired of Earth?" Nathaniel asked, and managed to get his feet back on the ground, but immediately grabbed Bartimaeus's hand. Bart shrugged.

"Yeah, kind of. But I can wait a few more days…" he mumbled, and pecked at Nathaniel's cheek, who rolled his eyes.

"Bartimaeus, you're going to have to go back sometime. It'll be just a few days, and then I'll summon you again, okay?" The djinni looked uncomfortable. He started playing with Nathaniel's fingers, avoiding his gaze. "Bartimaeus? What's wrong?"

Bart made a face. "How do I know you'll summon me again? Ptolemy told me he'd never leave my side, and then he dismissed me at the wrong moment, and I never saw him alive again. What if you get attacked or something while I'm gone?"

Nathaniel winced. "You're worrying about me again, aren't you? Barty, Kitty is just next door. She can kick _anyone's_ butt. I'll be fine."

Bart sighed and nuzzled into Nathaniel's neck, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Fine. Dismiss me tomorrow. Not tonight. I don't want Jakob killing you on the first day he's here."

Nathaniel smiled and kissed Bartimaeus's temple. "Good. I'm glad you're not being overly dramatic anymore."

"Shut up. I love you. I'm supposed to be paranoid about your health."

Nathaniel laughed. "I love you too. But you're still a hopeless romantic."

"I'm _your _hopeless romantic."

"Now you're just being sappy."

"I'm _your_ sappy, hopeless romantic."

"Bartimaeus?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"'Kay."

Bartimaeus happily stopped talking, opting to find other ways to occupy his mouth.


	8. Chapter 8

There's not going to be much point to the fluffy comedy anymore. 8D Just some KittyxJakobness. Have fun!

* * *

Kitty dumped the eggs onto a plate, and plopped it down on the kitchen table. She examined the two plates of food, the empty seats, and sighed.

"JAKOB! GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!"

There was a loud thump from upstairs, and she knew she had woken him up, and he had fallen out of bed. Even if it was eleven in the morning. She smirked and started cleaning up. After a few minutes and some quiet cursing, Jakob slouched into the kitchen in a T-shirt and jeans, his hair sticking up wildly in all directions.

"Why, hello Sleeping Beauty. I feel honored to be graced with your presence, Your Majesty."

Jakob grunted, sat down, and shoveled eggs into his mouth, not necessarily in that order.

"I think Nathaniel and Bartimaeus are coming over today, so please try to be happy, alright?" Kitty sat down opposite him and put some salt on her eggs, digging in.

"I _am_ happy. Really. And Nat and Bart come over _every_ day. I'd be even happier if you got a restraining order for 'em."

"Well, no one said you had to live here. Go find someone else to mooch off of."

Jakob swallowed a little too loudly. "You know I can't do that. The… um… rising prices of flats and all. Yeah, I only have limited money, Kitty. I'm sorry." He wasn't.

Kitty glared at him, but didn't respond. They finished eating in silence, and Kitty started on washing the dishes afterward. Jakob hesitated in the doorway, glancing back at Kitty nervously. Finally, he shuffled back over to her and stared down at his socks shyly.

"Thanks, Kitty. For breakfast. And letting me live with you and everything. Really, I appreciate it. A lot."

Kitty blinked at him. "Uh… you're welcome. I can't have my best friend thrown out of the streets, can I?"

Jakob glanced up at her again, and blushed. Then he leaned forward quickly and pressed a kiss to Kitty's cheek, then scuttled off to his bedroom to hyperventilate for the next hour or so. Kitty just stood there, shocked, a soapy dish in her hands, and the sink still running. She snapped out of it when there was a knock on the door. She dropped the plate into the sink, turning off the water and drying her hands. She'd finish later. She had some swooning to do. Kitty yanked open her front door, angry at whoever ruined her blissful state of love.

"I saw the whole thing, and I do not approve."

Bartimaeus got an elbow in the rib. Nathaniel glared at him.

"Kitty, Bartimaeus is just being stupid. Jakob hasn't been nearly as evil to us as he could be."

"I still don't like him. He stares at you a lot."

"He's wondering why the Hell I put up with you, idiot," Nathaniel said affectionately.

"Still, he should be staring at Kitty. She was the one he kissed. And speaking of which, I think Kitty is in shock."

She barely even heard this conversation, as she had gone into happy blissfulness again. She vaguely remembered Bartimaeus towing her over to the couch, a hand being waved in her face, and getting shaken violently.

"I think we should throw dear Jakey out a window. We can't have him putting Kitty into a coma every time he touches her!"

"Bartimaeus?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"Shutting."

Kitty giggled quietly, her eyes focusing on their faces. "Nathaniel, you say that like it's possible."

"She's alive! Whoo!" Bart cheered happily. He got an amused look from Nathaniel. "Oh… I'm supposed to be shutting up, aren't I? Sorry."

Kitty rolled her eyes. "Anyway, are you people spying on me or something? Don't I get any privacy?"

"Apparently not. Bartimaeus and I peeked in the window. You really need a curtain for that thing."

"Well, why don't you buy it for me, Mr. Moneybags? I wouldn't even have this house if it weren't for _you_."

"You say that like it's a bad thing!"

"It is. Now I'm in debt to you."

"No you're not. You saved me from the Golem that one time, right? Aren't I worth putting up with one measly house for a couple decades?"

Kitty pretended to think about it. Bartimaeus hopped up and down, his brow furrowed in agitation. He was still trying not to talk.

"What, Bartimaeus?"

The djinni took a deep, exaggerated breath. "Wow. I forgot how hard it is to not talk. Anyway, I'd just like to say, Nathaniel is worth fifteen houses, and I saved _both_ of your backsides multiple times. That is all."

Kitty's hand twitched toward the pillow, getting ready to smack him. Bloody demons. Jakob trailed down the stairs hesitantly, practically radiating awkward. He glanced at Kitty, blushed, and then stared determinedly at Nathaniel. Bartimaeus growled possessively. Everyone ignored him.

"Hi, Nathaniel."

"Hello, Jakob."

"I SAW THE WHOLE THING! CHEEK-MOLESTOR!" Bartimaeus exploded. Nathaniel shoved him down onto the couch and sat on him, struggling to keep a straight face.

"I'm sorry, Jakob. Bartimaeus is supposed to be shutting up." Natty glared at said djinni, who was on his stomach, Nathaniel perched on his lower back.

"I don't have to obey you," Bart grumbled petulantly.

"I'm your master, remember? You must bend to my will, demon."

"Ooh, mister scary magician, please, not the Shriveling Fire!"

"I will, if you don't hush."

Kitty and Jakob made faces to each other. The exchange was so sarcastically lovey-dovey, it was downright puke-inducing. Nathaniel seemed to notice this, and quickly got off his boyfriend (or is it djinnifriend?).

"So, Kitty and our dear Jakey are a couple now. Great," Bartimaeus grumbled, pulling Nathaniel close to his side. Kitty said nothing, choosing to hum to herself and braid a piece of her hair. Jakob blushed awkwardly. Bartimaeus blinked. "Gosh, you're the shyest couple in the history of forever. No wonder you never got together before now!" Kitty glared at him.

"Well, _Barty_, let's talk about your and Nat's relationship, shall we? _I_ knew you liked each other before _you_ did. You two are the _thickest_ couple in the history of forever." She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Well, at least we're practically made for each other. What other magician would stop and even consider the thought of loving a djinni, hm?"

"Makepeace," Kitty snapped. "He writes a bunch of plays about spirits and humans getting together and all that."

"Okay… name one that isn't insane, dead, or fictional, please." There was a pause of consideration. "Haha. Told you." Kitty scowled. Jakob shifted awkwardly over to an armchair, getting tired of standing. Kitty paid no attention to him.

"Oh yeah? Well, if you're such the perfect couple, what are you going to do about Nathaniel's humanity, huh? Even you have your faults, Bartimaeus. Stop acting all arrogant."

Bart sniffed. "No, I'm perfect. Really. Back in Prague, I heard of a certain Philosopher's Stone, which lets the user live forever. And once we find it, you're not getting immortality, 'cause you're being mean. Nya."

Nathaniel and Jakob glanced at each other. Kitty and Bartimaeus kept going at it, Kitty saying that she had actually found someone within her own species, and she didn't need any Stoned Philosophers or whatever.

"They're idiots," Jakob announced after a few minutes, getting the others' attention.

"Yeah. But they're our idiots," Nathaniel said.

"I think Bartimaeus is rubbing off on you," Kitty said suspiciously.

"I know. Slap me if I get too much of a romantic, okay?"

"Sure thing. I'll get my white gloves, and we'll do it the old fashioned way," Kitty said, and Bart scowled.

"Hey, youngins. I'm five thousand years old. Have a little respect, alright?"

"You act like a two year old. You'll get over it."

"I'm _your_ two year old romantic."

"Bartimaeus?"

"Yes?"

Kitty, Nathaniel, and Jakob all said at once, "Shut up!"

Bart sniffled. He felt _so_ unloved.


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry for the lateness. D: It was my birthday, and I got tons of presents I needed to play with, and we might be adopting my niece pretty soon... Yeah. Bunch of crap going on. OH. And I was sick for two weeks straight. ox Also, I reread the last chapter, and I seriously didn't mean to make it that funny. I mean, I was laughing the whole time, and I wrote it with a straight face! xD I guess I forgot about some of Bart's stupidness or something. Oh well. STOREH TEIM.

* * *

I'll tell you people something. Long ago, when things called _manners_ existed, djinn were treated with the tiniest respect, since we're infinitely more awesome than humans. Now, though, it's like I'm a dog. I should probably set up Kitty's death, and then swoop in at the last minute and save her, then gloat about it for a few days… or decades. Though, it's Kitty we're talking about. She might actually save herself. Oh well.

I was serious about that Philosopher's Stone, though. Don't think I'd go and off myself if Natty dies. Hell no. It'll take a few… centuries, to be truthful, but I'll get over it. I'll live. Maybe. But, I don't exactly want to test that theory quite yet, thanks. So Nathaniel is getting immortality whether he likes it or not.

Also, I was being honest about Kitty not getting any. No way. I've lived through tons of crap that I probably shouldn't, and after nearly getting assassinated five times a day, it gets kind of old after a couple thousand years.

I wouldn't want that life for Kitty, especially since she's so young. She and Jakob would have to move around from place to place every year or two, or else people will start getting suspicious. Nathaniel, on the other hand, will just have to get over it. He's mine. RAWR.

Ahem. Anyhow, Natty-boy lets me go wherever I want on Earth now, as long as I don't get killed, understandably. I usually don't leave for more than a few hours, but I took one weekend off to Prague, and started asking around. Didn't get anywhere, obviously. Anyone that had immortality would have faked tons of deaths, changed their name twelve times, and such. But, the general rumor is that Nicholas Flamel and his wife live together in peace, all immortal and stuff. Yeah. I'll see about that.

I tried bringing it up with Nathaniel, and he said that he wanted to spend eternity with me and all that, but none of us know how to _use_ the Philosopher's Stone. We'd have to ask Flamel _nicely_ about it, which means no stealing. So that's out.

I also tried other 'myths,' like the Fountain of Youth. Well, turns out that one isn't real, sadly. I've never heard about anything else that gives immortality. So this kind of stinks, understandably. That still doesn't keep us from bugging Kitty every day, though. Hopefully if I'm in the house, Jakob won't try anything creepy. Nathaniel forbids me from spending the night over there, though.

Two days after Jakob's little kiss of death, I was standing on Kitty's doorstep, Natty-boy at my side, banging on the door. Kitty ripped open the door, her hair a mess, and looking half asleep. Oh, and she was in her baggy pajamas. She gave us a death glare.

"Give my three good reasons for why you're here so early, and I might not kill you."

"We love you!" I chirped enthusiastically.

"I said _good_ reasons."

"Bartimaeus is an idiot," Nathaniel offered. Kitty nodded approvingly.

"What? But you won't take mine? Gosh, you're such a jerk," I said with a pout, and crossed my arms over my chest. Nathaniel chuckled.

"Bartimaeus doesn't need to sleep, so it's kind of boring at our house at night," he added. Kitty nodded again. And, you guessed it, I pouted, too.

"I know of something to do at night that will keep me entertained, if you'd like to…"

"No," Nat snapped. "You're a pervert. Maybe it'll happen once you admit that I'm going to be on top."

I scoffed. "Natty, Natty, Natty! You know it doesn't work that way. The most aggressive one gets to be on top. And if I'm not mistaken, that would be _moi_."

Nathaniel sniffed. "Have I mentioned that Bartimaeus is an idiot?"

"Yes," Kitty said.

"Oh… well… He's a scumbag pervert."

"What does that have to do with us coming over to Kitty's place?" I asked pointedly.

"You would only use our 'alone time' to be more of a pervert, so I hide behind Kitty."

"Good enough. Come on in," aforementioned teen mumbled with a yawn, and stepped aside. I whooped and skipped past her, flopping down on the couch. But I ended up in Jakob's lap, since he was, apparently, sitting there. Oops.

Natty and Kitty both turned a weird purple color, and Jakob kicked me onto the floor without even looking up from the newspaper he was reading. While I tried to get to my feet and flop onto the second couch, Kitty snuggled up beside Jake possessively and Nathaniel nudged me in the right direction. Once I settled down, he sat in my lap. Weird. Usually I had to stealthily move Nathaniel over inch by inch, or else he'd blush like mad.

"So, since when does Jake get up before noon?" I asked casually.

"Since this," he stated, spreading the newspaper out on the coffee table and jabbing a finger at the headline. Usually in news, it's always bad stuff. You hear about the twenty million people killed all over the world, but never about that famous charity drive that gathered more money for orphans than any other charity in the States. No, people would rather hear about all the soldiers killed in wars everywhere. Don't ask me how humans work, because I don't know.

This particular headline was pretty good, in hindsight. 'Man Miraculously Survives Fall.' I quickly scanned the article in half a minute, and shrugged.

"Huh. I guess that guy's pretty lucky. Still, why's that so important?" I asked boredly. Nathaniel snatched up the paper, reading it more thoroughly than me. He sighed patiently.

"Because. Humans might survive a fall from the top of a two story building, maybe even three or four if they have something to break it, but _eight stories_? That's about… thirty meters, give or take. And this man fell straight onto the concrete, head first. The impact would have killed him instantly. He was knocked unconscious, taken to the hospital, and he was hardly hurt. He woke up a couple hours later, and started walking around. Witnesses say he fell. His wife was there, but she fled. He refuses to give out personal information or have any tests done. The doctors say he looked about forty, but they can't be sure."

I blinked and stared at the paper over Nathaniel's shoulder. "What? Where was this?"

Nathaniel scanned the passage again. "Prague, Czech Republic." He glanced at me, confused. "Why?"

I chewed on my bottom lip. "Nathaniel, think about it. What does this look like?"

Surprisingly, Jakob answered, and rather gravely, I might add. "That's why I was reading it over and over. All the clues… it's painfully obvious, if you know what to look for."

"What?" Kitty demanded, glancing between us confusingly. "Cut it out. It's too early for riddles."

"It looks like Flamel isn't as careful as I thought he was," I mumbled to myself, and threw the newspaper onto the coffee table.

"Flamel?" Nathaniel asked. "Isn't he that legendary Alchemist? Are you saying this guy is Nicholas Flamel?" I have to hand it to the kid. He catches on quickly. "Wasn't he supposed to be dead 600 years ago?"

"Not if he has the Philosopher's Stone," Jakob replied bitterly. Kitty looked around sleepily. I think she might finally be catching up with us.

"What does that have to do with anything?" We all turned to stare at her. Okay, maybe I was wrong. Jakob gave her a quick outline of everything. "Well, isn't it a little weird, then, that just after Barty starts looking for it, this mysterious Flamel guy pops up?" she asked, frowning.

"I don't know, and I don't care. I'm going to Prague to shake this guy down and take his stupid stone," I growled, glaring at the newspaper. Nathaniel sighed.

"First of all, I'm coming with you. Second, I told you, jumping him isn't going to work. Third, I'll have to dismiss you until I'm in Prague, because of their tight security and such. Also, I'll have to get some clean clothes that don't have magic on them," he said, flinching at the bad memory of his last trip to Prague.

"It's your turn to do the laundry," I teased.


	10. Chapter 10

Obviously, I've got a bit of a plot going on here. :P S'not very good, but I just kind of thought it up and I really liked it, but I guess I won't really get another chance to do this plot unless I make another fic almost exactly like this one. So... yeah. Deal with it. :D

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Nathaniel was about to inform Bartimaeus about how stupid he was being, but he was interrupted by a knock at the door. They all glanced at each other. Who would be looking for any one of them? Jakob wasn't wanted by the government… yet. Kitty was excused for the Resistance thing for helping the magicians during the Glass Palace incident. Barty hadn't done anything to make anyone think revenge is necessary in quite a while. Nathaniel sighed and stood.

"I'll get it," he announced. Everyone looked panicked for a moment. "It's probably the mail man, you paranoid creeps!" he snapped. Honestly. It's not like they're all on a hit list.

…Okay, so maybe they are, but that's beside the point. He stomped over to the door and ripped it open, ignoring Bartimaeus who jumped up after him protectively. On the doorstep stood a small imp, looking rather nervous and twitchy. He glanced up at Nathaniel, paled, and gulped quietly. Of course, Bartimaeus had to make it worse by looming over Nat's shoulder, giving the imp his Nathaniel-is-mine look.

"A-Are you M-Mister J-John Mandrake?" the imp stuttered nervously. Nathaniel nodded, shoving Bart back slightly so he wasn't breathing down his neck.

"Yes. I'm Mandrake. Do you have a message for me?" he asked, managing to keep calm and fight a one-handed battle with Bartimaeus at the same time.

"Yes, sir!" the imp squeaked, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. "Prime Minister Rebecca Piper says she needs you at Parliament as soon as possible, sir. It's urgent, sir. And she says to bring your friends, sir," he said quickly, shifting around on the spot.

Nathaniel nodded and opened his mouth to say something, but Bartimaeus cut him off. "Piper is the PM? Wasn't she one of your secretaries or something?" he asked, poking Nathaniel in the arm. Nat sighed and nodded, opening his mouth again, but Bart cut him off once more. "Oh! Oy, imp! Tell Rebecca that Barty says hi!" he said excitedly. The imp gulped. Who would dare call the PM 'Rebecca'? Well, no one but Bartimaeus, obviously.

"Thank you. Tell Ms. Piper that I'll be at Parliament in an hour," Nathaniel said quickly, before Bart could add anything else. "You may go now." The imp flew off at top speed. Nathaniel closed the door and returned to the couch, rubbing his forehead with a groan.

"What's wrong?" Kitty asked. Bart followed Nathaniel like a hawk and 'casually' sat down beside him, leaning his head on Nat's shoulder.

"Piper wants me at Parliament," he informed her with a sigh. "I really don't want to go back there, but… I guess I'll have to. She said you guys can come too, if you'd like."

"Why don't you want to go to Parliament?" Bartimaeus asked.

"Because it reeks death and destruction," Nathaniel replied casually.

"Oh."

There was a brief silence, and then Kitty giggled. "So, Nathaniel's stopped being blind?" she asked.

"Looks like it," Jakob said boredly.

Nathaniel glanced back and forth between them. "What?" he asked.

"Oh, it's nothing! Don't worry your pretty little head about it," Bartimaeus said affectionately, patting him on the head. Nathaniel huffed and stood up.

"Whatever. Are we leaving or not?"

They all got ready in silence. Well, at least Kitty did. She was still in her pajamas. After that, they waved down a taxi and rode to Parliament again in mostly silence. It was too early in the morning for flirting and mentally scarring the driver.

A while later, they arrived at their destination. Nathaniel paid the driver, leading the others inside and to the main conference room. There were few ministers he recognized now. All the others were dead, apparently. A short, balding man with a walrus-like mustache was giving Piper the outline of something.

"…popped up after Gladstone captured Prague, too. There were rumors of the man that wouldn't die, and his peculiar wife that never speaks. The government didn't pay much attention to it back then, but I managed to find it, I did! I tell you, Flamel is _back_!" he declared gruffly, banging his fist on the table. Nathaniel jumped slightly in surprise.

"Flamel? He's actually _real_?" Kitty asked blankly. Piper looked up and smiled wearily, her hair falling out of her bun.

"Kitty, John, Bartimaeus, I'm glad you could come! Um… Who's your friend?" she asked warily, staring at Jakob.

"My name is Jakob Hyrnek, ma'am," he mumbled, trying half-heartedly to cover his face with the collar of his shirt. Kitty slapped his hand away and flattened his collar down, then held his hand, which made Jake blush. Piper didn't seem to notice.

"Oh. Well, hello, then, Jakob. It's nice to meet you. About your question, Kitty, it does seem that way. Flamel's Philosopher's Stone was tested on various animals in his time by the government. It was proved that it was real when the animals didn't die, even when… oh, I don't know, injected with poison or something. The Stone was confiscated and destroyed, and Flamel was told to not tell anyone and never make another Stone again. He was reported dead at the age of forty-five, and his wife followed soon afterward." Piper paused to rub her temples with a sigh, looking very tired. "Once I heard the news in today's paper, I sent an agent out to dig up their graves, and they were both empty. It seems Flamel didn't listen to the government after all."

Bartimaeus frowned. "And where do we come in?" he asked.

Piper smiled slightly at him. Some of the other ministers began whispering to their neighbors in a very conspiratorial-looking way. "You and Mister Mandrake have been very good at these types of things before. I want you to go to Prague, hunt down Mr. Flamel and his wife, and tell them both to be a little more careful, please, and hand over his Stone. If he does not comply, we will have to put them in federal prison for a couple centuries," she said with a chuckle. Bartimaeus raised his arm up into the air. "Yes, Bartimaeus?"

"Can I roast them over a slow flame?" he asked bluntly, his hand falling to his side. Piper giggled quietly.

"No, don't hurt them. We don't want them mad with us, do we?" Bart's hand shot up in the air again. "What?"

"Can I at least dangle them off a roof? I won't injure them; just shake 'em up a bit."

One of the other ministers tapped her chin thoughtfully. "That probably would work, you know…"

"No torturing!" Piper snapped, scowling at the woman. She and Bartimaeus flinched.

"You're no fun, Rebecca," Bart replied with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, you can't really hurt an immortal, because, y'know, they're _immortal_…" Jakob said slowly, an eyebrow raised.

"They can still feel pain, obviously. Think of their feelings, Jakob! Gosh," said Kitty sarcastically. Jakob frowned at her, and opened his mouth to argue.

"Alright! Anything else we need to know?" Nathaniel asked quickly and a bit too loudly.

Piper looked amused, to say the least. "Oh, no. Nothing else of importance. Except…" She bit her lip and glanced around warily. She looked back at him and stared intently, as if trying to convey some kind of secret message. "Be careful, Nathaniel," she said very seriously. Bartimaeus snorted.

"Do you think I'd let anyone hurt him? Honestly. They're gonna have a hundred thirty pounds of djinni to go through before they hurt _my_ Natty-boy." Bart sniffed and clung to Nathaniel's arm possessively. Some of the ministers looked at each other funny.

"Yes, yes, just go on. I have better things to do than chat with you four all day! Go on!" she said hurriedly, looking a bit ticked off now. Jakob wordlessly opened the door and motioned the others through. Kitty skipped on past, then Nathaniel, but Bartimaeus stayed in his spot. He frowned and took a deep breath, raising his finger in Piper's direction threateningly. Nathaniel jumped back and grabbed his arm, Jakob latching onto the other as they towed him outside.

"You gotta stop picking fights with everyone you see," Jakob advised him. Bart opened his mouth, and then realized that what he was going to say would fall under that category, so he stayed silent for once.

"Shh! Listen!" Kitty whispered, pressing her ear against the closed door. They could still hear the voices from inside. Someone asked Piper about Mandrake and his "unusual" djinni.

"Um… they're… crossbreeding?" she replied uncertainly. Kitty burst out laughing, doubling over in her effort to quiet herself.

"Did you just look in a mirror, Kitty? Because I can understand the reaction," Bartimaeus replied coolly.

"Oh, buuuuurn," Nathaniel said with a chuckle, high-fiving Bart. Jakob muttered something about 'stupid children' and dragged the still-giggling Kitty toward the exit.

Bartimaeus pumped his fist in the air, jogging after them, Nathaniel walking along calmly. "Alright! Now let's go kick some Stoned Philosopher's butt!"


	11. Chapter 11

You people are making me depressed. I mean, come on! D: Two people total reviewed my last chapter, and no one reviewed chapter nine. Is my writing slipping or something? -sobs- I FEEL LONELLLLYYYYYY.

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Nathaniel had dismissed Bartimaeus and boarded the plane with Kitty and Jakob, along with their luggage. It was relatively boring, to say the least. Nathaniel missed Bartimaeus the whole time, even if it was nice to not have to worry about getting jumped constantly. They arrived a few hours later, taking a taxi to the flat they rented for this trip. Currently, they were having a bit of trouble getting Nathaniel's bag out of the trunk.

"Gosh! What do you have in this thing? Bricks? It's so bulky; it just won't… come out!" Jakob yanked at the strap angrily, not getting anywhere.

Nathaniel sighed. "It's summoning equipment. I still have to summon Barty again, you know. Move, I'll get it. You two go on inside and start getting situated."

"Alright, but when you break your back with that thing, I'll say I told you so," Kitty informed him, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Jakob followed suit, rubbing his back sorely, following Kitty inside.

Nathaniel yanked at his bag's strap, examining it. Maybe if he turned around and wrapped the strap around his waist, he could… He did so, digging his heels into the pavement, pulling with all his strength.

If only he had Barty here! Then it'd be no problem for the djinni. The taxi driver gave an impatient yell, and Nathaniel almost went horizontal with how much weight he was putting into it. Finally, he felt the bag give a slight lurch, and he tugged harder. All of a sudden, the bag came free, sliding across the sidewalk and landing Nathaniel on his backside.

He groaned and looked up blearily. Apparently, he had landed right at the feet of a man, who was looking at him with amusement. He had black, swept-back hair, a black T-shirt, and a normal pair of jeans. His T-shirt showed off his muscles nicely. Nathaniel blinked stupidly.

"Hello…" he ventured meekly.

"Hi," the man replied, raising an eyebrow. He strolled around Nathaniel and picked up his bag easily, holding it out to him with one hand. "I assume this is yours?" he asked politely. Nathaniel nodded and got up, his backside still sore.

"Yeah, thanks. I'll just be taking that," he said, grabbing the bag's strap. The man let go, and it immediately hit the ground. Nathaniel groaned and pulled the strap over his shoulder, trying to drag all his stuff down the sidewalk, and failing miserably. The man chuckled and shook his head.

"I'd help you, kid, but I have to be going. Have fun with that." The man simply walked away, slamming the taxi's trunk closed on the way. Nathaniel sighed and commenced pulling his stuff in the hotel door. It was slightly easier on the smooth tiled floor. In the end, he managed to get to their room without dying.

"Next time, remind me not to bring so much stuff," Nathaniel huffed, flopping onto his bed. He had only gotten his bag as far as the doorway before his arms gave out.

"I told you so," Kitty replied smugly. After a bit of rest, Nathaniel got the energy to pull out his summoning stuff, and skipping all the protective spells, he drew two pentacles on the floor and summoned Bartimaeus. Instantly, the djinni pounced on him.

"Why, hello there, Natty-boy. Fancy seeing you here," he said casually. He was straddling Nathaniel's waist, playing with the hem of his shirt, and smiling innocently.

Nathaniel blushed madly. "Yeah, whatever, just get off. We are here on business, not a vacation. We have to make a plan on how we'll get Flamel out of the hospital."

Bartimaeus sighed. "It seems everything is about work nowadays. When will we ever get alone time, when you aren't asleep or eating, huh? Djinn have sexual frustrations too, buddy."

Nathaniel's face was a dark red by now. He squeaked and tried to wiggle out from under Bartimaeus, but didn't get very far. "Bartimaeus! Let me _go_…" he whined, glancing angrily at Kitty and Jakob who were staring at them in amusement.

Bart sniffled and got up. "Fine. But mark my words, kid. You're getting raped as soon as we get back to London." With that, the djinni strutted over to the bed and plopped down, crossing his arms and legs in an aggressive manner. Nathaniel sighed. He got up and flopped down on the bed next to Bart.

"So. How're we going to kidnap Flamel from the hospital?" he asked, rolling over limply. Bartimaeus raised a hand.

"I can cast an illusion on him and he can just walk out the front door," he stated.

"Yes, well, how are we going to get to see him in order to tell him you're casting an illusion on him?"

"Uh…"

"Didn't think so."

"We could claim to be family," Kitty offered.

"We don't even know what he looks like," Jakob said. "What if they start asking us about him, or how we're related?"

"Bartimaeus could sneak a peek in his window and turn into someone that could be his brother. Then I could claim to be Flamel's nephew," Nathaniel said. "I'm afraid we can't all go in at the same time. We could pull off one distant relative that looks nothing like him, but not three."

"So I have to be your father?!" Bart asked, seemingly having a heart attack.

"So you'll go in, tell Flamel you're sneaking him out, cast an illusion, and hold the door open for a ridiculously long amount of time?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah, basically," Nathaniel grunted.

"Well, that was easy," Jake muttered. "What are Kitty and I supposed to do during this time?" There was a pause of silence.

Bartimaeus shook his head sadly. "Oh, Jake. Little, naïve Jakey. Think like me. It'll come to you." Kitty fell off the bed, opting to examine dust particles on the floor while Jakob turned a weird purple color. Nathaniel muttered something about 'stealing Jack Sparrow's lines.'

"Right," Nathaniel announced, trying to break up the awkward silence. "So if that's our entire plan, let's go. I don't want to waste any time here. Everything's so… depressing."

"I think you just want to get back to London so I'll have an excuse to—"

"I BELIEVE IT IS TIME FOR THE DJINNI TO DO WHAT HE'S TOLD NOW!" Nathaniel screeched, blushing madly. He jumped up and shoved Bartimaeus towards the door. Kitty giggled and popped up from under the bed.

"I'm with Barty on this one, Nathaniel. Have fun breaking immortal old guys out of hospitals!" she declared, waving brightly. Bart turned back to give the others a bit of advice.

"Remember—use safe sex! We don't want Kitty getting pregnant, do we? Besides—"

Nathaniel gave one last shove, and they were outside. He slammed the door closed, cutting Bartimaeus off. There was a loud smack from the hallway that echoed slightly, and a pained 'ouch.' Kitty and Jakob looked at each other, blushed, and went back to pretending the other didn't exist.

"You really need to control your mouth," Nathaniel advised Bartimaeus bitterly.

"Where's the fun in that?"

"I don't get mentally scarred every few seconds. _That's_ what's fun about it." Nathaniel grabbed Bartimaeus's hand, though, and they walked together in silence to the hospital Flamel was supposed to be kept in. Nathaniel loitered around at a café across the street as Bartimaeus turned into a lizard and scaled the building.

Nathaniel bought himself some tea and sat around for five minutes until and fourty-something year old man with messy red hair, a flannel shirt, and jeans walked over and sat across from him. Nathaniel raised an eyebrow.

"Bartimaeus?" he asked hesitantly.

"No, it's Michael Phelps. Of course it's me! Who else would it be?"

"Who's Michael Phelps?"

"…You need to get out more. Seriously, let's just go."

Nathaniel got up and followed Bartimaeus out, frowning. "Is this Michael Phelps someone I should know about?"

"Nathaniel, shut up. Technically, I'm supposed to be your father right now, so I can smack you around if you misbehave."

Nathaniel sighed. "You're enjoying this way too much, aren't you?"

"Of course." Bartimaeus held the hospital doors open for Nathaniel, grinning stupidly. At first, Natty thought this was kind of nice, until he was almost blinded with how white everything was. Apparently, Bart had simply used Nathaniel as a shield from the blinding whiteness.

"What is with hospital people and the color white?" Nathaniel huffed irritably. He stalked up to the front desk, Bartimaeus trailing along behind.

"Hello, miss," Bart greeting politely. They even had a preppy blonde girl for the front desk in this hospital, too! Déjà vu, much? "We're here to see that unknown guy that fell from the eight story window. I'm his brother, and this is my son," he said, ruffling Nathaniel's hair affectionately, who just shoved his hand away with a grunt.

The girl looked him up and down suspiciously. "Oh? That man hasn't told anyone his name, or anything about him, really. Do you have anything that can prove you're related?"

"Hm. Well, I can give you a description of him. He's kind of short, not too fat or skinny or anything, quite normal. Red hair, brown eyes… hm… he has a birthmark on the back on his neck, too. He always looks a bit angry, or getting ready to chuck something at you," Bartimaeus said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Alright, can you give us his and your names?"

"Nick Framer," Nathaniel answered instantly, surprising Bartimaeus. "I'm John Framer, and my dad is Bert Framer." The girl nodded and scribbled it down. She called over a nurse and whispered to her a bit, handing her the paper. The nurse scuttled off to do her bidding, the lady going back to sitting and staring around uncaringly. A few minutes later, the nurse came back and nodded at the lady.

"Mr. Framer denied having any relatives, but as soon as he heard your names, he perked up a bit," she said.

The lady reluctantly told them they could go in and see him, telling them Flamel's room number. They thanked her and made their way towards their destination.

"Where did that Framer stuff come from?" Bart whispered to him once they were out of earshot.

"L's are the same as R's in Japanese. Flamel, Framer. I guessed that anyone who lives as long as Flamel should have learned at least a little Japanese."

"Oh…" They continued on in silence.

Nathaniel felt a bit excited. If this really was a legendary Alchemist that found the secret to staying young forever, he would be one of the first to see him and know who he was in the last few hundred years. This was a once in a lifetime thing here. Who else would get the chance to meet a 700 year old famous Alchemist? Anyone? Let's see a show of hands, people.

…

Exactly. Once they finally got to the right door and Bartimaeus grasped the doorknob, Nathaniel couldn't help but bounce up and down impatiently.


	12. Chapter 12

Reviewers make me feel special! You know who you are! YOU GET AN INTERNET-COOKIE! :D

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Well, that was very anticlimactic. I could tell Natty-boy was disappointed the second he laid eyes on the Flamel guy.

He was exactly like I said; very ordinary. He was pale and red-haired, pretty healthy-looking for a guy his age, suspicious little brown eyes, wearing commoner clothes. Nathaniel gave a sigh of disappointment. I rolled my eyes and shoved him inside, closing the door behind us.

Flamel was sitting on the edge of his bed, his back facing us. He glanced over his shoulder, eyes narrowing further. I opened my mouth to speak, but surprisingly, he beat me to it.

"Well, what do you want? I suppose you're from Britain, correct?" he asked flatly.

"Um… well, yes, but—"

"Ah. You want that stupid _rock_, don't you?" he snapped bitterly. Nathaniel and I glanced at each other.

"Not _officially_…" I mumbled. "Or, perhaps, legally, either. Just let me talk, won't you?" Flamel gave a quiet grunt, turning away from me. "You are Nicholas Flamel, right?"

There was much mumbling, but finally, I caught something along the line of "yeah, what's it to ya?"

"Good. Nath—uh, Mandrake and I are from London. The PM sent us to tell you to stop showing off, basically."

"You think I meant for this to happen?!" Flamel snapped, whirling around to glare at us. "It wasn't even my fault! I was _pushed_!"

Nathaniel blinked. "What? The witnesses said you fell," he said, an adorable look of confusion on his face.

Flamel chuckled bitterly. "They either weren't paying attention, or were one of his men. He's been trying to get rid of me for years now. I guess he thinks shoving me out in the open will work…" He began mumbling to himself, sounding like the mad man he is.

"Who is 'he'? A hit man?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Any assassin would have a spot of trouble trying to kill off Flamel, obviously.

"Yes! An assassin, out to get rid of my wife and I and take the stone and use it for evil!" he groaned, rushing everything together into one long mumble. I glanced at Nathaniel and swirled my finger in a circle beside my head.

"Do you know who this man is?" Nathaniel asked, ignoring me.

"No. I've never heard his name, nor seen his face. Only his men. He doesn't want to be discovered, you see, so he sends others out to do his dirty work. Though, he is quite relentless." Flamel glanced at us slyly. "Why should you care, anyway?"

I sighed and dragged Nathaniel over to a couple of chairs near the bed, and we sat down. I pretended not to notice when Flamel flinched when we passed close by. "Mister Flamel," I began, leaning forward conspiratorially, "we are going to get you out of this hospital. Not legally, of course. You don't really have a choice in the matter, but I just thought you ought to know. I am a djinni. I will cast an illusion over you, and you will stick close to us on our way out. Then, we would like to talk to you in private. Of course, this part you _do_ have a choice in. As long as you promise to be very careful, we will tell the PM about your situation. I can promise you, you and your wife are not in any danger." Nathaniel looked a bit surprised that I could sound so serious.

Flamel simply looked skeptical. "Hm. Alright, then. I'll leave with you. But I'm not guaranteeing anything," he added hastily when Nathaniel broke out in a grin.

"Great! As long as you get the plan, it shall commence!" I said cheerfully. I stood up, grabbing Nathaniel's hand and towing him towards the door. I remembered just in time that I'm supposed to be his father and let go of his hand when a nurse peeked in the door.

"Are you through with your visit?" she asked. I nodded and bundled Nathaniel through the door, muttering things like 'if you don't move any faster, I'll whip you, boy' and such. I glanced back as the nurse shut the door.

"Oh, wait! I forgot my pen inside. Let me just get it," I said, running back inside. I gave Flamel a meaningful look and pretended to pick something up. I really made a hand motion, Flamel suddenly disappearing from sight. I stood and walked a bit slower than necessary for the door. I kept it open about a foot, enough for Flamel to slip through, but small enough for the nurse to be unable to see inside. After a few good seconds, I closed the door and tugged Natty-Boy towards the exit, thanking the nurse for her time and such, being the elegant gentleman I am.

We strolled casually up to the front desk to sign out. There was a muscular man with swept-back hair interrogating the lady at the front desk.

"Please, this is urgent! I _must_ see him," he said very seriously, leaning into her personal space.

"Too bad, mister. Only family is allowed," she snapped, scowling. The man glanced at us and, with a sigh, turned to walk out, guessing it was easier to give up.

I signed us out, giving the lady a briefing of a fake visit, remembering to add that Flamel was a crazy and should be mentally institutionalized. I thought I felt someone kick at my leg, but Nathaniel was busy inspecting a funny-looking pen in a cup on the desk. When we exited, I opened the door for Nathaniel (and probably Flamel, too), and began making our way towards the hotel in silence.

After multiple attempts at making holding a door open for no apparent reason look normal, we finally made it to the room. Kitty and Jakob were on each side of the room, doing their own thing.

"Hm, I see you didn't take my advice," I said sadly, changing back into Ptolemy. Both beds were still made and the couch's pillows were neat and orderly. "Unless, of course, you did it on the floor…?" I asked innocently. Kitty turned red and chucked a paper wad at me, which I caught easily.

"Back to business!" Nathaniel snapped, elbowing me in the side. I frowned and glanced around the room, lifting my illusion. To my surprise, a man appeared, leaning against the wall with a sour look on his face.

"Don't think I'm doing this out of fear, gratitude, or just sucking up," he snapped suddenly, looking quite hostile for a moment. His lips twisted together oddly, and he sighed. "Alright, you want the Stone, huh?" he asked flatly, not looking directly at us, but at the small air pocket between us.

"Yes, actually," Nathaniel admitted hesitantly. "You see, we're—"

"Gay lovers," I interrupted coolly, grabbing Nat around the waist. "Obviously, I'm a djinni, and living forever isn't all it's made out to be, especially without someone to share it with." We all ignored Nathaniel as he blushed madly and tried to squirm away, squeaking out his protests girlishly.

Flamel stared at us stupidly for a good five seconds, before shivering slightly. "Meh. I guess I've seen weirder," he said casually. "But how do I know that you're not one of the assassins sent after me all the time?" He stared down at the floor as if it bored him, playing with the cuff of his shirt. I was pretty sure he had a dagger hid up there or something, the crazy, innocent-looking old man he was.

"Because. We're, altogether, a perverted, mentally retarded djinni and three hormonal teenagers," Nathaniel said, finally managing to wiggle out of my grasp and sit on one of the beds. I followed instantly, snuggling into his side.

"Not mentally retarded…" I mumbled grouchily. Hey, I wasn't going to lie!

"Once again, I've seen weirder," Flamel said, fighting a smirk.

"I guess you'll just have to trust us then, won't you, Flamel?" Jakob snapped suddenly, looking very ticked off with Flamel's paranoidness. I couldn't really blame the old man, actually. Flamel's eyes narrowed dangerously and stared down Jakob. To my surprise, the kid actually held his ground for a good few minutes. We sat in silence, the tension so thick, not even Eddie Murphy dancing by in a tutu could stop it. I boredly began braiding a piece of Nathaniel's hair. He didn't seem to notice.

"Fine," Flamel snapped, eyes narrowing further.

"Fine!" Jakob countered, obviously forgetting what they were having a stare down for.

"Good!" Flamel probably forgot, too. Or else he was being sarcastic.

"Great!"

"Alright!"

"Yeah!"

"Shut up!" Kitty added helpfully. Jake and Flamel just glared at her. When Kitty glared back, Jakob paled slightly and crawled over to hug her and beg for forgiveness, which was a smart move when it came to Kitty.

"So," I asked curiously, sitting up straight. "What do we do now?"

Flamel grinned with amusement at the thought that just ran through his mind. Or it could have been Nathaniel's new hairstyle.

"Would you like to meet the Missus?"

"Does she bake cookies?" Nathaniel asked excitedly, flipping a braid out of his eyes.

"No."

Poor Natty-boy actually looked a bit crushed at that.


	13. Chapter 13

Don't you just love making cliffhangers in your own stories? 8D I do.

* * *

Turns out Flamel's house is pretty normal, too. Though, Kitty could have probably guessed that, since he didn't really stick out like she thought he would. They couldn't take public transport, because it seemed the police were panicking a bit that their freak had disappeared. They walked through tons of backstreets, snaking their way through the city of Prague to one of its suburbs. Kitty tried not to feel surprised when they came to a stop in front of a homely little white house that seemed fit for an old couple. Nathaniel was antsy the whole way, and only slumped in defeat when Flamel pulled out a key, unlocked the front door, and strolled right in like he owned the place. Which, apparently, he did.

"Don't worry," Bartimaeus whispered to him, wrapping an arm around Nathaniel's shoulders, "I'm sure they're secretly cannibals. You'll find something weird about them eventually."

"Flamel was wearing white socks with his black pants, which clashes horribly. Does that count?" Kitty asked with a grin. Nathaniel glared at her, but didn't say anything. Bartimaeus led the way inside, everyone else following along shyly like a bunch of ducklings.

Once again, it was almost boringly normal. They walked into the living room, which had a medium-sized television, a slightly battered couch, and surprisingly clean carpet. There were a few pictures up on the wall of people who Kitty didn't know, and probably would never know.

She glanced up when a motherly and slightly harassed-looking woman with graying hair walked into the doorway of what looked like the kitchen. She glanced at the four strangers only once with a confused look, but soon stared on to her husband. There was an awkward silence.

"Uh… I'm home, honey…?" Flamel offered weakly. The woman's eyes narrowed. She ran forward and threw her arms around his neck, pecking him on the cheek, muttering about how she was so worried and such. Flamel blinked. He looked as if he suddenly didn't know this woman. Kitty jumped when she pulled away and slapped him across the face.

"Nicholas Flamel! If you _ever_ scare me like that again, you will be in for a whole world of hurt!" she shrieked, looking like a ruffled, angry mother duck.

…What was with the duck analogies, anyway? Kitty contemplated this as Mrs. Flamel shoved Mr. Flamel into the kitchen, alternating between smothering him with kisses and glaring murderously at him. She sat through the whole explanation-of-the-plot-so-far process wondering if a duck's quack echoes. She didn't really like that stage in a story, so she happily erased it from her mind.

"So you want the Stone?" Mrs. Flamel asked uncertainly, tightening her death grip on her husband's hand. She was, apparently, reminding him that he didn't have the right to give away the Stone's powers like that. He got the message.

"I didn't guarantee it to them," he mumbled half-heartedly. "The girly-looking boy wants to be immortal like his boyfriend. Can you honestly say no to that face?" he asked his wife, silently pleading Nathaniel to look as adorable as possible so he wouldn't get in trouble.

Nathaniel pouted. "Not girly…" he muttered. It worked, actually. Mrs. Flamel's expression softened a bit and she looked on the edge of breaking into very fangirl-like squeals. Bartimaeus smiled proudly and snuggled up closer to Nathaniel, who was the only one comfortable enough to sit at the kitchen table like the Flamels.

"It's only Nathaniel, not any of the rest of us," Jakob added. "Bartimaeus is mad at Kitty and probably won't let her become immortal because she annoys him too much. So, obviously, I'm not using it either. Though, it would be nice if you showed us all how to activate the Stone," he said casually.

Kitty zoned out. Haha! Her boyfriend is way more selfless than Nathaniel's, giving up immortality like that! Jakitty: 1, Barthaniel: 0.

"…and that's it," Flamel ended simply.

"Huh. Well, that sounds easy," Bartimaeus mused, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" Kitty asked blankly. Everyone turned to look at her like she was stupid. "Sorry, I wasn't listening," she said, as if that made it any better.

Mrs. Flamel sighed. "Basically, you whisper the Words of Direction while holding the Stone. Then it kind of… glows and gets really hot, and then you feel all tingly for a moment."

Kitty blinked in confusion. "What are the Words of Direction?" she asked hesitantly.

Everyone groaned and said at the same time, "Appear, Remain, Listen, Submit, Obey, and Return!"

Kitty pouted. "What am I, Bartimaeus? I thought we were all supposed to group-yell at him!"

The Flamels glanced warily at each other. "Don't ask," Jake advised.

"So that's it? Really?" she asked skeptically.

"Yes!" Nathaniel snapped. "Why can't you keep up? Just this once, Kitty?"

"I think it's a woman thing," Mr. Flamel stated.

"How do you know?" Bartimaeus asked.

"Huh? What did you say?" Mrs. Flamel asked, previously staring at the wall. All the males glanced briefly at her.

"It's a woman thing," they all announced. Kitty went to sit by Mrs. Flamel. Someone who _understands_.

"So, where do you keep the Stone?" Bart asked, before World War III could break out.

"Uh, well, we have it in a safe under the stairs," Flamel answered.

"What? Anyone can crack into a safe! That isn't exactly the best place for it…"

"It has a twenty-six digit code and two key locks."

"Oh."

"…You don't want to do it now, do you?"

"Huh? Oh, well, I think it's up to Nathaniel." Bartimaeus glanced at said person.

"Um, well, I don't know, I could. I want to. But… well, obviously, I'm nervous here," he mumbled, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"We could come back another day?" Bart suggested.

They sat in silence for a few moments, until Nathaniel made a determined face. "No. I want to do it now. Who knows what could go wrong in just a few days?"

Flamel nodded and got up. He left the room and came back after a few minutes holding a boring-looking dark red rock delicately, as if it were glass. He handed it to Natty-boy, who also seemed to treat it like a newborn baby.

"Remember, the Words of Direction, then glowing, and a tingly feeling," Flamel said seriously. Nathaniel nodded, and grinned slightly.

"Hey, can I call you Nick from now on?"

"Not a chance."

"You're just stalling now," Bart threw in helpfully. Everyone waited in tense silence as Nathaniel took a few deep breaths, looking rather worried. "Remember, you could do this another day," Bartimaeus said, concerned for Natty-boy's sanity.

"No. Shush. I'm giving myself a pep talk," Nathaniel snapped. After a few more deep breaths, more silence, and much awkward shuffling, he opened his mouth, finally, to begin the Words of Direction, his eyes slipping closed.

Only to be interrupted by a knock at the door. Nathaniel quickly chucked the rock to Flamel, who shoved it in his pocket, paling slightly. Bartimaeus went to the door, opening it cautiously while everyone else waited in the tensest silence in the history of tense silences.

They could see the front door from the doorless doorway into the kitchen. Outside stood a bored-looking, well-built man with dark eyes, neat, black hair, and most suspiciously, a dark trench coat that came down past his knees and blew ominously in the slight wind.

Bartimaeus blinked. "Hello, um, do I know you from somewhere?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

"I saw him outside the hotel once," Nathaniel said slowly, "and at the hospital, remember? He was harassing the nurse."

"I spotted him skulking around across the street when you left today," Jake added.

"He follows me around sometimes," Flamel declared with a shrug, as if it didn't matter.

"Ah." Bartimaeus looked him up and down warily. The man was staring at the people behind Bart, struggling to keep a dull look on his face. "Can I help you?" Bartimaeus asked, eyes narrowing.

"No," the man said, "you can't." Then, from somewhere in the depths of his trench coat, he pulled out a handgun and aimed over Bartimaeus's shoulder and directly at Nathaniel's forehead.


	14. Chapter 14

Nathaniel gets out of trouble, then hops right back into it, doesn't he? xD I should have made this longer with more stuff in it, but every time I read it I changed all the action scenes. I'm just throwing it out there, just to get it off my chest.

* * *

The man aimed, Nathaniel ducked, and Bartimaeus delivered a nice roundhouse kick to the man's crotch while screaming at him including the words 'boyfriend,' 'mine,' 'stick that gun up your,' and many others that would make Nathaniel blush if he were to repeat them.

Everyone in the kitchen was instantly on their feet, years of paranoia catching up with them. Nathaniel sighed to himself from where he was crouched just inside the doorframe. It seemed everyone that wasn't on a hit list was jumpy, but Nathaniel, who had half the world after him, could really care less. I mean, come on people. Really?

Nathaniel peeked around the doorframe and watched with growing rage as the man stumbled about, ignoring Bartimaeus, who was still ranting about how he was the only one to hurt Nathaniel if he wanted and—

Wait, what?

Nathaniel didn't have time to think about this disturbing bit of information (thankfully) as the man seemed to be recovering (sadly). The man straightened up and aimed his gun at Bartimaeus's forehead, grinding his teeth together angrily. Bart snorted and strolled forward, shoving the man's hand out of his face boredly.

"Oh, please. You think that'll work? I'm a djinni. Shooting me won't do any good you little—"

Bartimaeus was cut off with a squeak of pain as the man did just that, and shot him in the shoulder. Apparently, they were silver bullets. The man smirked cruelly.

"Karma, no?" he asked innocently in a deep, rough voice, the same one that had so playfully called Nathaniel a kid just a few hours ago.

Nathaniel scowled and stood up. He ignored everyone behind him who was busily discussing routes of escape from the kitchen with no other exit but the front door. Nathaniel marched over to a lamp, unplugged it, and walked calmly over behind the man, who was having trouble yanking his arm away from Bartimaeus, who didn't look too hurt, thank the Lord.

"_No one_ hurts _my_ Barty but _me_," Natty snapped, and cracked the man over the head with the lamp, effectively shattering its base. The man grunted and swayed where he stood. Bartimaeus looked very proud of Nathaniel all of a sudden.

"You're getting better at this fighting stuff," he said, and tried to yank the gun out of the man's hand, making sure it wasn't pointing at him. Nathaniel felt sick. There was a bullet-sized hole in Barty's shoulder, some silvery liquid lazily dribbling out of the wound and down his arm. He tried to talk, but he was frozen in horror at the thought. Bartimaeus didn't seem to notice. "Who are you and why are you here?" he demanded, twisting the man's arm again and taking his gun.

The man grunted and tried to wiggle away to no avail. "I thought you would have already guessed," he huffed, still feeling a bit dizzy. He made a mental note to pimp slap Nathaniel later for that lamp thing. "I am an assassin. Well, not really. I suppose you could call me a mercenary." Nathaniel and Bartimaeus glanced warily at each other, bad memories coming back at the word. "My employer wants the Stone, obviously. For politeness's sake, you may call me Ed."

Bartimaeus blinked. "Why are you actually telling me this? Don't you know the bad guys who proclaim their evil plan to the protagonist always get beaten in the end?"

Ed snorted. "It's not like you didn't already guess that much. Besides, I've never failed any mission once," he said. Nathaniel was happy to see a trickle of blood running down Ed's temple slowly. At least he'd managed to make a mark with the lamp, though this didn't help his uneasiness. If this guy was as bad as the last mercenary, the Authoress would have to make a sequel before they'd be able to kill him off.

All of a sudden, while Barty was busily thinking of new questions and everyone in the kitchen began searching for weapons of their own, Ed twisted around in Bartimaeus's arms, ducked, and helpfully kicked him in the chest, sending him into the far wall with a thump and a groan. Nathaniel made something close to a growl and dived for another lamp, but Ed had been expecting that. He tackled Nathaniel to the ground and got him in a headlock, wishing he still had his gun. He didn't know that, apparently, when Natty-boy got mad, he became a pain machine. Without thinking, Nathaniel sunk his teeth into Ed's arm, vaguely thinking that he tasted like dirt.

With a girlish yelp, Ed yanked his arm away, surprised to see a circle of blood on his arm. He scowled and didn't bother to stop him as Nathaniel rolled over and coughed up a bit of blood, making a nasty face.

"Dog," Ed snapped accusingly.

"Pig," Nathaniel countered, glaring viciously at him.

"Here, piggy piggy pig!" Kitty called in a delighted voice, stalking forward, armed with a chair. She looked quite deranged. Nathaniel wondered what Jakob saw in her. He jumped up and hid behind Kitty, and was soon joined by a very battered-looking Barty.

Ed looked conflicted for a moment, but he glanced off towards the kitchen, watching in horror as the Flamels and Jakob disappeared down a hallway not to far away, probably headed off to a bedroom with low windows so they could climb out and keep the Stone safe. With a growl of frustration, he ducked Kitty's chair, hooked the back of her leg with his foot, and toppled her over. One down, two to go.

Barty aimed a hand at him, warming up for a detonation. Again, Ed dodged, grabbed a silver knife from a pocket, and swung at his legs. Bart jumped back, yanking Nathaniel with him, who nearly fell over. With a mutter that could have either been a spell or a curse word, Bart waved a hand and erected a shield around them, including Kitty, too, who was trying to remember her Resistance training.

Ed raised an eyebrow. "You know I can see all the planes, right?"

"Huh?"

"Oh. Guess you didn't." With a light jump, Ed somersaulted over the trio, using Bartimaeus's shoulder as a boost. He landed on the other side of them and stumbled a bit. Stupid concussion. He would have been able to stick that landing perfectly, if it wasn't for that annoying Nathaniel person. Humph. Oh well. He waved cheerily at the three, two of them looking sick, and the djinni looking slightly impressed. "Tootles!" Ed said brightly, and then darted after Jakob and the Flamels.

Bart blinked. "Tootles? What? I mean, is he really _that_ gay?"

"Shut up."

"Yes, sir."

Nathaniel sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Whatever! Let's just stop him from getting the stone, alright?"

"Um, guys," Kitty said uncertainly, "that won't be necessary."

She pointed out the window towards the street, where two police cars pulled up. Some men got out, armed with guns, and rushed up to the door. Everyone froze as they banged on the door, demanding it to be opened.

Nathaniel glanced at Ed. He had Jakob in a headlock, struggling to yank the Stone away from him. Mr. Flamel had grabbed Ed's hair, yanking it back, trying to free Jakob. Mrs. Flamel had a fireplace poker, stabbing Ed in the side with it. Ed yelped every time she did.

Nathaniel shrugged. There was nothing _too_ incriminating. They could just pass it off as a bad family fight.

He strolled over to the door and yanked it open, fixing his face to look bored as three guns were pointed in his face.


	15. Chapter 15

I really am sorry to all of my readers. Whether it's because of my late updatingness or my cliffhangers, I'm not quite sure. xD Sorry.

* * *

I have to say, I have a bit of a problem with police waving loaded guns in my boyfriend's face, but what happened next made up for it.

"What do you want?" Nathaniel asked boredly, frowning. Two of the police men glanced at each other, and the one in the front scowled.

"Step aside, kid! We've got complaints from the neighbors about gun shots and screaming and…" He glanced over Nathaniel's shoulder and blinked. "…What's that woman doing with that poker?"

Nathaniel stepped to the side and watched amusedly as Mrs. Flamel yelled something at Ed and whacked him on the head with her poker. Nathaniel sighed. I didn't know he was such a good actor.

"Family disputes. They're all crazy. You know how it is, right?" he asked casually. The police men looked confused, lowering their guns. "Never had one, huh? Well, you're all lucky. My cousin, Kitty, has a new boyfriend, the one Uncle Ed is strangling. That's Jakob. Grandma and Gramps don't like Ed trying to control his daughter's life, especially after my dad died in that fire…" He shook his head and smiled ruefully. "They're a bunch of nutcases," he said simply, then came to stand by me and cuddle into my side. I could tell that even though everyone else was trying to scratch each other's eyes out, they were listening to Nathaniel's story with growing irritation. Flamel didn't like being called Gramps.

I played my part and cuddled Nathaniel, who appeared to be posing as the gay emo kid. I, of course, had no problem with this. Besides, everyone else was beginning to get into their roles, too. Ed's cries of 'gimme that stone, punk' became 'get away from my daughter, punk.' To think, this was all just so we wouldn't get arrested. I just kissed Nathaniel on the cheek and watched the fight in amusement. My shoulder stung slightly, and I made a jacket appear on me to hide my wound. It wouldn't go down well if the Prague police came up with a story of the guy that bleeds silver.

Two of the police men rushed over to stop the fight before someone got hurt, but the third one stared at Nathaniel and me blankly. Nathaniel didn't notice, so I took it upon myself to question him.

"What do you want?" I asked, staring back at him, trying to make it clear that I'm irritated. I think it worked, because he jumped, blushed, and shoved his glasses higher up on his nose, then went to go stand beside one of the other men and look like he's doing something helpful. I scowled and nuzzled Nathaniel contentedly.

"Dad! Let go of Jakob!" Kitty squealed, pouting. She ran over and began pounding on Ed's arm, trying to get him off. Jakob just grunted and yanked at one of Ed's hands.

"Kitty, go to your room!" Ed snapped, shoving her away. "You're going to be grounded, Missy!" Mrs. Flamel whacked Ed with her poker. "Ouch," he mumbled.

"Let go of the poor boy, Eddie," Mrs. Flamel snapped forcefully. "It isn't his fault!"

"Listen to your mother," Flamel said gravely, giving up on yanking all of Ed's hair out, much to the mercenary's relief.

"Now, hold on, people," said one of the police men, his Southern accent shining through and making all of this seem even more like a movie. "Just calm down a moment. Ma'am, I'd have ta ask you ta stop hittin' people with that there poker. Sir, let go of the kid. Whatever he did to yer daughter, he was just being a teenager. We've all dunnit at one point in time."

…That accent got really annoying really quick. It seemed the other two men were thinking the same thing.

Jakob wiggled his way out of Ed's grasp while he was distracted, and he and Kitty bolted towards the Flamels' bedroom. Ed yelped and flung out an arm to grab at Jakob's hand which was wrapped tightly around a small, red stone. Mrs. Flamel stopped him by stepping into his path, poking him in the chest with her poker.

"Edward Nicholas Framer, you get your backside in that kitchen and _sit down_!" she shrieked. Everyone was silent, staring at the motherly woman that looked like she wouldn't have the heart to scold a five year old. When Ed didn't comply, she huffed and whacked him again.

"Ouch," he mumbled, rubbing his head. He looked rather cross-eyed now.

While the police men and Mrs. Flamel were working out their problems, I was listening to something else. Once again, I have far superior hearing, so I listened as Kitty tried to open a window in the bedroom, cursing when she found it to be stuck. Please don't try this at home, kids, because you might strain your poor, delicate, human ears by trying to be as awesome as I am.

"What do we do? We can't leave out the front," Kitty whispered, scrabbling around the room desperately.

"The closet!" Jakob whispered. "You take the stone and hide in the closet. I'll go out and try to egg Ed on until he does something the police won't like, and he gets arrested, alright?"

"No," Kitty said slowly, "I'll do it. You can hide with the stone."

"But, Kitty—"

"No. I want to do something useful, too, for once."

"No! What if you get hurt? What will—?"

"Jakob?"

He sighed. "Yes, Kitty?"

"Shut up and get in that damn closet."

"Yes, ma'am," he muttered, defeated. There was a slight scraping, as if Jakob was slouching unwillingly over to said closet.

"Oh, and Jakob?" There was a bit of shuffling, and then a slight thump and a quiet hum of confusion. It seemed Kitty had tackled Jakob and began kissing his brains out before the poor boy knew what was happening.

"Finally," I muttered under my breath, grinning stupidly.

"What?" Nathaniel asked absentmindedly, watching the man with the Southern accent try and wrestle the poker away from Mrs. Flamel as her husband towed Ed to the kitchen by his ear. It was clear the only thing keeping him from killing us all right now was the presence of the fuzz.

"Oh, nothing," I answered breezily, listening to the other room. There was a quiet moan, some panting, and then someone stood up. Kitty cleared her throat.

"Um… right. Sorry to distract you and everything…" she said awkwardly.

"Oh, I don't mind. I'm always free to be distracted, if you ever have a spare moment." Did I ever mention how much I really like Jakob now? I mean, the kid is stealing my lines already! I'm a great role model, am I not?

Kitty sighed. "Jakob, get in the closet," she said wearily. Jakob snorted and did so, closing the door a bit harder than necessary. Kitty giggled quietly, but quickly composed herself and got back into the fight just as Ed stomped past and grabbed her by the arm. I wasn't paying much attention to Ed anymore. I was concentrating on Jakob.

He was muttering something, so low that I couldn't make out what it was he was saying. As soon as he stopped speaking, a low hum started up, and I couldn't quite place where I had heard it before. It lasted for a good half a minute, and just after the hum faded into the background, Jakob gasped. I didn't have time to think about this, for Ed had suddenly decided to stomp into the bedroom and drag Jakob out.

He did so with much yelling and kicking. The police men were busy trying to calm down Kitty and Mrs. Flamel, the former having a bruise on her cheek. I should really pay more attention to these things.

And then I realized that Nathaniel was stiff (not like that, perverts), leaning forward in my grasp, and I could tell he wanted to pop Ed one in the nose. I frowned and snuggled him closer to my chest protectively.

I listened intently to the scrabbling from the bedroom. I couldn't tell what was happening, but soon, Kitty ran out with the Stone, Ed two steps behind her, and Jakob a half a step behind him. Ed grabbed Kitty's arm and began towing her towards the door, but Jakob jumped on him and put on the brakes, desperately trying to free Kitty.

Ed growled and slapped Jakob across the face. Kitty and Nathaniel yelled and jerked forward, but I held Nathaniel back and Ed latched on to Kitty's hand, prying her fingers open. With a cry of triumph, he plucked out the small red stone as Kitty yanked away to cling to Jakob. Six pairs of angry eyes turned on Ed. The police man with the glasses stepped forward hesitantly, sensing the sudden hostility.

"Hey, everyone, just calm down, okay? We can talk about this and—"

The first man shoved him out of the way, raising his gun. "I'm tired of this," he grunted. "Sir, I must ask you to put your hands behind your head and lay down on the floor. Anything you say can and will be used against you. You have the right to remain silent in the court of law—"

Ed cut of his well-practiced speech with a harsh laugh. "No, I don't think I will," he said casually, rolling the Stone between his fingers, smirking.

"Sir, I will be forced to shoot if you don't—"

"You really think I care, don't you?" Ed asked, grinning stupidly. I wanted to puke. This was all just a game to him. He was probably going to get away with the Stone, leaving us to pick up the mess. Jakob crouched a bit, getting ready to spring. Ed stepped towards the door, and Kitty began inching around to his other side. The man with the Southern accent opened his mouth to either warn Kitty and Jakob, or tell his friend to stop, but I guess we'll never know which one.

The man's finger curled around the trigger. Ed grabbed Kitty and yanked her in front of him. Jakob yelled and lunged forward.

There was a bang. Kitty screamed. A body hit the floor.

That was when it clicked for me, and a grin slowly spread across my face.


	16. Chapter 16

Nathaniel froze. This couldn't be happening. He had fallen asleep in Bartimaeus's arms, and was having a nightmare. He was just having a bad dream.

Kitty's scream snapped him out of it, and he pulled away from Barty, running over to fling his arms around Kitty's waist and hold her back. He managed to block out Kitty's screaming of Jakob's name, but he couldn't quite draw his eyes away from the body.

It was sick. Jakob was curled up on his side, not moving, a puddle of blood slowly collecting around him. Even Ed seemed to be in shock. The police men were frozen for a good five seconds, before their training kicked in. The one with the glasses towed the first guy outside to their car to call an ambulance. The Southern man dropped to his knees and turned Jakob over, shakily placing two fingers on his neck.

"I don't feel a pulse," he said numbly. Kitty let out a sob and clawed at Nathaniel's arms, screaming that he was wrong. "There's nothing I can do until the ambulance gets here," he said, as if informing himself that he was helpless in this situation. He stood up and helped Nathaniel drag Kitty back towards Bartimaeus, who would be ready to restrain her if necessary.

Nathaniel felt tears prick at his eyes. He hadn't known Jake very well, but he still thought of him as a friend. He felt horrible for Kitty. He didn't know what he would do if anything happened to Bartimaeus. Speaking of which…

The police man slipped out the door once Barty got a good grip on Kitty's other arm. Nathaniel stared blankly at Bartimaeus's face. He was looking at Jakob's body, grinning stupidly, obviously trying to suppress it. Nathaniel knew the two hadn't gotten along very well, but how could Bartimaeus be so heartless? Jakob was dead. He knew the ambulance wouldn't be able to help him.

He blinked and rubbed at his eyes, whispering reassurances in Kitty's ear that he didn't even believe himself. He was too tired to be truly upset about Bartimaeus's grinning, but he began to wonder if it was just djinn nature. Maybe all djinn were just _made_ to like death and destruction? Nathaniel mentally slapped himself. He shouldn't be thinking about his boyfriend like that.

However, their relationship was a bit of a fluke in the first place. They shouldn't be together. It wasn't natural. Sure, humans and djinn _could_ work together and live in harmony. That doesn't mean it's a good thing for them to do so.

He looked down at Kitty, who had her face buried into his chest, sobbing quietly. Nathaniel suddenly felt jealous of her, and very guilty. If it wasn't for him, they wouldn't be here in the first place. If he and Barty had just done what they were destined to do, he would be dead, Barty would be happily floating around in the Other Place, Kitty would have gone on with her life, and Jakob would be alive. Nathaniel felt sorrow claw its way up his chest and into his throat, nearly cutting off his air.

It was too late now. They had to tough this one out together. Nathaniel just prayed this didn't tear them apart, and that they would still be friends, at the very least. Even if Bartimaeus was born to be a ruthless killer, he would always love him, because he knew Barty could hold in his desire for blood. That is, if he had any. After all, Nathaniel vaguely remembered how Bartimaeus had held him so gently as if afraid he would break…

Eventually, Kitty calmed down and opted to sniffle into his shoulder. Nathaniel watched Bartimaeus's face. It never lost its giddy look, only changing from a happy grin to a small knowing smirk, never looking at him or Kitty. Nathaniel felt sick again. Jakob was dead, and he was worrying about his relationship with Bartimaeus. Right.

Ed frowned and pocketed the stone, picking his way around them and marching towards the bedroom, where he would most likely break through the window and run off. Mrs. Flamel had other plans. She raised the poker and whacked Ed over the head, a metallic clang echoing around the room. Even Kitty flinched at that. The poker was now bent in a dangerous L-shape, and Ed swayed on the spot before collapsing.

Nathaniel winced and looked back at Barty. He vaguely heard the Flamels drag Ed off and lock him in the closet, plucking the stone out of his pocket first.

Bartimaeus stepped forward, watching the three police men carefully through the window. He ducked down and kneeled beside Jakob's body. Nathaniel's hopes soared. Was there a spell Bartimaeus could do to save him? Was that why he looked happy? Nathaniel frowned as Barty waved a hand over Jakob, and an illusion turned him invisible.

"Bartimaeus, what are you—?" he began, but Barty cut him off with a 'Shh.'

Bartimaeus shifted form, turning into a Jakob look-alike, complete with the bullet hole in his chest. He flopped down on the floor, in the same position Jakob had been. Nathaniel frowned, and he felt Kitty pause her sobbing to stare at Barty confusedly, tears continuing to run down her face. Nathaniel admired her strength in these kinds of situations.

Not a half a minute later, an ambulance pulled up outside and took Bartimaeus away on a stretcher. Nathaniel and Kitty shuffled out of their way, staying silent. Whatever Bartimaeus had planned better work, or else he would get a beat down from both of them. Nathaniel sighed.

"Let's go back to the hotel, Kitty," he said wearily. She choked on a sob and nodded quietly, the tears continuing to flow. A rough hand landed on Nathaniel's shoulder gently, and he jumped.

"I'll drive you back to the hotel, if you want," Flamel offered, looking quite pained. He apparently didn't like medics running around his house and a big puddle of blood on his floor. Nathaniel nodded numbly, thinking he was slowly going deaf from the wail of the sirens.

An hour later, Flamel had dropped them off at their hotel. Nathaniel thanked him many times, dragging a half-conscious Kitty up to their room. Nathaniel collapsed on his bed wearily, but Kitty wandered around the place, presumably in shock. She rummaged around a bit as Nathaniel stared at the ceiling, trying to ignore her. He was in shock, too. His brain couldn't catch up with any of this.

He felt Kitty crawl into the bed beside him and curl into his side, one of Jakob's T-shirts clutched to her chest protectively. He sighed and wrapped an arm around her, and they both soon fell unconscious, too exhausted to stay awake any longer. Besides, if they were asleep, they couldn't concentrate on the pure pain resonating from the core of their bones.

* * *

Nathaniel jerked awake at a knock on the door, wet and groggy. He momentarily forgot what had happened last night, wondering briefly why his shoulder was damp where Kitty had been crying in her sleep. It all came rushing back, and he stumbled to his feet and over to the door. He took a deep breath and smoothed down his hair, trying to make himself look semi-normal, struggling to hide his grief. His reflection in the hall mirror didn't agree with him.

There was another loud knock at the door, and he grumbled and made his way over. He noticed it was seven o'clock in the morning, and wondered why anyone would want him this early. He unlocked the door and opened it, ready to tell whoever it was that they needed to go buzz off.

He blinked stupidly and slammed it shut, turning to stare open-mouthed back at Kitty. There were a few indignant protests from the other side of the door, and he opened it again.

"Are you real?" Nathaniel asked hesitantly. The two figures nodded. He took a deep breath, and launched himself at the first one, sobbing incoherently.

Jakob giggled. "Gee, love you too, Natty-boy," he said affectionately.

"Hey, don't I get a hug?" Barty asked, pouting. Nathaniel immediately flung his arms around Bartimaeus, laughing in relief. Bartimaeus kissed his neck, smirking. Nathaniel pulled back and slapped him across the face as hard as he could.

"Ouch," Barty said in surprise. Nathaniel grabbed both males by the hand and dragged them over to Kitty's side, making sure that Jakob kicked the door shut.

"Kitty, wake up!" Nathaniel squeaked, unable to talk correctly in his excitement. Kitty jerked awake and glanced around blearily, her eyes still full of tears. Half a second later, Jakob was tackled to the floor with kisses. Nathaniel cleared his throat nervously.

"Um, we're right here," he announced, glaring at them. Barty chuckled and picked him up, dragging him over to the couch where he pinned Nathaniel down and began kissing him. "Bartimaeus stop!" he squeaked nervously, trying to wiggle away.

"Give me one good reason," Barty mumbled, grabbing Natty's earlobe between his teeth gently.

"If you haven't forgotten," Nathaniel huffed, his face bright red, "you have a few things to explain! As in, how Jakob is alive right now and what the Hell you were thinking back there!"

Bartimaeus sighed. "Can't we wait just an hour? Please?" He pouted cutely and dragged his tongue across Nathaniel's cheek. The poor boy was momentarily blinded by the fact that _Bartimaeus just licked his face_. Barty began kissing down his neck, and Nathaniel spluttered, shoving him up.

"Did you just lick me?!" he asked, hysterical. Barty pouted.

"Maybe…" he said slowly, perching himself on Nathaniel's lap. "It depends on how much faster it'll get you naked."

Nathaniel's eyes narrowed. "No…" he said slowly, thinking logically again. "No. Two can play that game. No physical contact until you tell me what's going on!" he snapped, wiggling his way out from under Barty, standing off to the side stubbornly. Bart's jaw dropped.

"You wouldn't…" he said slowly.

"I would." Nathaniel nodded.

Bartimaeus paled. The _horror_.

"Fine, but I'm only explaining it once, so you better get Kitty in here." They both glanced back at Kitty and Jakob… on the floor… eating off each other's face… Nathaniel shuddered.

"How about we get a bucket of cold water and chuck it on them?" he offered, unwilling to go over there and touch either of them.

"Sounds good." Bartimaeus nodded and ran into the bathroom, quickly returning with a pail of cold water and a wicked grin on his face.

* * *

"I really don't see why you had to throw water on us," Jakob said testily, a soaked Kitty perched in his lap. They were both dripping all over the couch, much to Nathaniel's annoyance. Nathaniel was sitting beside Bartimaeus on the other two cushions.

"Trust me, it was necessary," Nathaniel said, frowning. He noticed that Jakob looked as if he was never shot in the first place, except for the blood stain on the front of his shirt. Natty was nearly bouncing up and down anxiously, waiting for Bartimaeus to begin Story Time. Barty scowled.

"Alright, people. Shut up. The faster I tell this story, the faster we can get back to doing… um… whatever we were doing before. Now, children, this is how it all went down…"

And so he told the entire story, from the beginning, about how he had heard the weird humming noise (making sure to include his thoughts on Kitty attacking Jakob like that and his approval about Jake's new resemblance to Barty), and then how he realized that the humming was a noise the Stone made when being used. Everyone stared blankly at Jakob for a moment, making him blush and hide behind Kitty's hair.

Jakob confirmed that he had, indeed, become immortal. He had gotten a weird feeling of foreboding that somehow Kitty was going to be in trouble. That feeling tripled when Kitty insisted on egging Ed on herself. So, he decided to take matters into his own hands.

Skipping the most heartbreaking part of the story, they explained how Bartimaeus turned Jakob invisible and pretended to be dead. Jakob couldn't whisper to Nathaniel or Kitty what was really happening, for Jakob was afraid that Bartimaeus's illusion would stop working if he got too far away from him.

It appears that early that morning, Jakob's 'body' mysteriously disappeared from the hospital just when they were about to ship it to the morgue. On the way back to the hotel, they stopped by the Flamels' house and explained everything, in case they were worrying and…

"…Speaking of which, they let me keep this." Jakob dug down into one of his pockets, pulling out a small red stone. "After all, we still have two people to immortalize, and Piper told us to bring it back to London, right?"

Nathaniel nodded quietly. "So… you're immortal now?"

"Yep."

"What about Kitty?"

"What _about_ me?" Kitty asked suspiciously.

"Well, didn't Bartimaeus say he didn't want to let you become immortal for… various reasons?" Nathaniel said, glancing slyly at Barty, who winced.

"Okay, okay. I _guess_ I'll let you be with your boyfriend for eternity, since you kind of helped us get the Stone…" he said reluctantly, and Kitty giggled.

"Don't worry, Barty. I was going to use the Stone whether you approved or not." Bart scowled at her.

"Alright, Story Time is over! Can we get back to… ah… doing whatever we were doing?" Barty asked innocently, grinning at Nathaniel. Natty-boy paled and flung an arm out to grab Kitty and make her stay, but she and Jakob were already dragging themselves back to Kitty's bed.

"Um… can't we go somewhere else? A little more… private?" Nathaniel asked nervously, not liking the way Bartimaeus was grinning as if he knew something Nathaniel didn't.

"Now you're just stalling," Barty said cheerfully, and promptly tackled Nathaniel to the couch again, determined to get him naked in any and all senses of the word.

* * *

Poor Nathaniel. I feel for him. I really do. D': Lots of angst here. Oh well.

-slaps Bart4Nat- No more ruining the ending, even if it's horrible! D: Now, you get an internet-cookie for reviewing, my beloved reader. -hoards reviews-

PSST. Hey, you. Yeah, you with the face. REVIEW, DAMMIT. Dx For the cookies!


	17. Chapter 17

GO FALLING ACTION! xD Yeah, that's basically all this is. Oh, and the end of this chapter won't be continued, sorry. I'm probably going to make one more chapter, and that'll be it. -gives Bart4Nat a bandaid- Sorry, mate. Dx

So, flashbacks, loose ends are wrapped up, Jakob is Book Binding Boy, no offense to Texans, Ed has a gay mugshot, Flamel's moving to Africa, Kitty makes sex jokes, I make up a new word, Barty explains his feelings, and Natty gives in. This chapter has it all! xD

* * *

Kitty stood before Piper, holding Jakob's hand, smiling cheerfully. She didn't feel any regret for anything that happened over the past couple days. She could hardly believe that whole adventure had gone by in just a day and a half.

A day ago, she had promptly made out with Jakob, and somehow Nathaniel got away from Bartimaeus again, as virgin as ever. She really had no idea how he did it. She wasn't paying much attention at the time anyway.

Nathaniel made Bartimaeus break them up again (much to Kitty's annoyance) to tell her that she needed to get immortal quickly because Piper expected them back in London in less than a day.

That was a weird experience, obviously. She was now immortal, and it was as easy as saying a few words and not dropping the Stone. That's all she had to do, really. Her fingertips buzzed lightly, and she felt great, as if she could never get sick again, which she probably couldn't.

Nathaniel had done the same thing, gotten tackled by Bartimaeus, and he promptly dismissed the djinni so Barty's shoulder could heal. They took the first plane back to London that they could manage (after changing all of Nathaniel's clothes three times, of course).

So here she was, clinging to Jakob, while Nathaniel told Piper everything over the past few days. It was surreal to review it all again. Obviously, Nathaniel left out the part about the three of them being immortal and everything. Kitty doubted that would go down well with the new PM. She tuned it out and leaned on Jakob until it was over, and Piper had someone confiscate the Stone. Five minutes later, and they were walking leisurely back to their homes.

"So Piper is going to destroy the Stone," Jakob said slowly, glancing at Nathaniel. "Don't you think the Flamels will be angry?"

"I'm sure they'll understand. If we didn't give it to her, we would have directly disobeyed her orders, and she'd probably have us kicked out. Just because Piper likes me doesn't mean she won't crack down if she has a reason to," Nathaniel said. "Gosh, it feels so weird now, not running from anyone. I think I've gotten used to danger."

"Well, now we have eternity to find those dangers," Kitty said cheerfully. Jakob made a face.

"Kitty, I'm just the son of a book binder. I don't think I'm qualified to be a proper sidekick."

"Oh, don't worry. You're a fine sidekick." Jakob rolled his eyes, and they continued walking, each of them taking a huge sigh of relief. Finally, the stress was off, and their problems were gone. Almost. "I have one question," Kitty said, frowning. "When you were shot, that police guy said you had no pulse. But you're still alive."

"It's called immortality, Kitty," Jakob said, as if explaining it to a toddler. "I thought we've been over this."

"No! I meant, if you're immortal, shouldn't your heart have kept beating?"

"No. It stopped. But then I started recovering, it began beating again, and I think that's about the time that Barty started acting. If Bartimaeus hadn't stepped in, I would have been as healthy as ever by the time they got me to the hospital."

"Oh," Kitty said intelligently.

"I have a question of my own now," Jakob said, turning towards Nathaniel. "You gave the Amulet of Samarkand and the Seven League Boots to Piper, didn't you? Well what do you think she's going to do with them?"

Nathaniel hesitated, scratching his chin. "Well, I think she's going to destroy the Amulet but keep the boots. The Amulet is far too powerful for it to be controlled, and it has helped along most of the bad things that have happened recently. Maybe she'll keep the boots for studying, or perhaps she'll just store them for later, if they're ever needed. I honestly can't tell you for sure, but that's what I would do if I were in her place."

Jakob nodded, and they walked along in silence for another few minutes. Nathaniel sighed.

"Okay, as long as we're all answering questions here, what are the Flamels going to do? They can't stay at their house."

"They said they were going to move sometime soon," Jakob said. "Mrs. Flamel was thinking about France but Mr. Flamel wanted to go somewhere farther south." Nathaniel nodded, and Kitty giggled.

"Does anyone else have any questions?" she asked. "You might as well get it all out in one go."

Nathaniel raised a finger, frowning. "Yes, I do. What do you think the Flamels will do with Ed?" he asked. Everyone blinked and pondered this for a moment, tapping their chins.

"Maybe they'll kill him?" Kitty suggested.

"No, I don't think they would. What if they just keep him locked up somewhere?" Jakob asked.

"I doubt they could keep him in one place for long, if he's really that great of a mercenary," Nathaniel added.

"Well, can they make him forget who he is and all his training?" Kitty asked.

"I don't think so," Nathaniel said, frowning confusedly. "If they can, I've never heard of it being done."

"I suppose it's anybody's guess," Jakob said. Suddenly, they could see their houses in the distance, and they picked up the pace.

"Perhaps it'll be on the news?" Nathaniel suggested excitedly. He got there first, hopping up and down impatiently for Kitty to arrive and unlock the door. As soon as Nathaniel hit the couch, the TV was on and flipped to the news. Jakob sighed and sat down beside him, while Kitty ventured into the kitchen and made herself some tea, bringing Jakob and Nathaniel a cup too. They all sat around for a bit, Kitty and Jakob chatting casually, with Nathaniel's nose pressed up against the screen. Thirty minutes later, Nathaniel's patience was rewarded.

"…In other news, a wanted mercenary was found unconscious today on the sidewalk outside of a Prague police station. One man claims he was coming to work in the early morning and saw the man lying outside, and instantly recognized him from an artist's sketch. The authorities don't know his legal name, but he is suspected of working briefly with another known mercenary, Verroq, who was behind the theft of the Amulet of Samarkand. This man has been sent to Huston, Texas, for his trial. If you have any information about him, please contact the authorities at this phone number…"

They flashed a picture of Ed's pouty mugshot and a phone number up on the screen. Nathaniel stood up and punched a fist in the air, whooping.

"I heard that people in Texas are quite fond of executions," Nathaniel said, grinning. "Ha! He won't last a week."

"Alright, now that that's over, why don't you go over to your own house and watch TV with your boyfriend?" Jakob suggested, slinging an arm around Kitty's shoulders. "Kitty and I have things to see, places to go, people to do." Kitty collapsed into giggles.

"You're really starting to sound like Bartimaeus," she said, trying to hold in her laughter so she could talk straight.

"Hey, he's a good person. He rubs off on people," Jakob defended, grinning.

Nathaniel blushed. "Yeah, he is. I guess his shoulder should be healed by now. It was a relatively small wound… alright, see you later, then."

Kitty giggled and waved at Nathaniel. "Hey, watch your back, though. I think you're on Barty's To-Do list." She and Jakob burst out laughing again. Nathaniel chuckled and left, stumbling his way back to his bedroom, wondering if he really should call up Bartimaeus so early.

Meh. If Bartimaeus wasn't fully healed, he could simply dismiss him again. Skipping all the unnecessary protective spells, he spoke the words of the summons. Almost instantly, Bartimaeus tackled him to the ground.

"Hi there, Natty-boy!" the djinni said cheerily. Nathaniel grunted.

"Hello, Bartimaeus. I see you're feeling well. Would you mind getting off me?"

Bartimaeus chuckled and stood up, pulling Nathaniel with him. He promptly wrapped his arms around Natty's waist and cuddled him closer, nearly purring with satisfaction.

"So, how did the meeting with Piper go?" he asked quietly in Nathaniel's ear, running a finger up and down said man's shoulder in a rather distracting way. Nathaniel began squirming, trying to get away.

"Ah, ahem, it went well, I suppose. All potential weapons are in the hands of the government, Ed's in jail, the Flamels are moving to France, and Kitty and Jakob are probably going at it like rabbits right now. I swear that boy is sounding more and more like you every day. Speaking of which, would you mind telling me why you're molesting me?" he huffed, grabbing Bartimaeus's hands, which were rapidly trailing down past Nathaniel's Line of Decency.

"Do you remember that one time I told you that you were going to get raped as soon as we were back in London?" Barty asked innocently, placing a kiss on Nathaniel's nose. "Well, Natty. Guess where we are." Nathaniel's face turned bright red, and he gulped.

"B-But… Bartimaeus! Uhm, I was kind of trying to remain abstinent," he lied.

"Is that even legal?" Bartimaeus asked skeptically.

"Well… probably not, but…"

"In that case, morals be damned." Bartimaeus lunged forward and kissed Nathaniel, who was rapidly forgetting why he was nervous in the first place. "I promise I'll be gentle," he heard Barty mumble in his ear, shortly before nipping at it lightly. Nathaniel gasped and bit his lip. He could feel one of Bartimaeus's soft hands sliding up under his shirt, the other quickly undoing the buttons. Nathaniel wrapped his arms around Bartimaeus's neck, dragging him closer, simultaneously muttering weak protests.

"B-Bartimaeus…" he gasped, not quite sure whether it was supposed to be encouragement or a otherwise.

"So, Natty? How about it?" Bartimaeus asked, pulling away to grin seductively at him. "I'll go as slow and gentle as humanly and djinnily possible, and you don't have to do anything but lie there and moan until you can't talk any more. Please?" he whined, pecking Nathaniel's nose again. Natty cleared his throat nervously and shifted his weight from one foot to the other, surprised to notice that he would have fallen over if Barty wasn't there to support him.

"Just answer me one question," Nathaniel said slowly, his mouth suddenly dry. "It's about… Ptolemy. You said you loved him one time. I was just wondering… how _much_ did you love him?" He frowned and stared down at his shoes, waiting for Barty to talk. This was something that had been on his mind for a few days now.

Bartimaeus snorted. "You've kept me waiting… this entire time… because you were afraid I'm in love with a boy who is two thousand years dead." He sighed wearily and pulled Nathaniel close to his chest again, probably so Nathaniel couldn't see his face. "Yes, I loved him. But I wasn't _in_ love with him. He was the nicest human I've ever known, and I would have done anything for him. But Ptolemy was distracted by the thought of humans and djinn working together, and he never glanced twice at any male, female, _or_ djinni. The thought of me being in love with him never crossed my mind." He paused, and dragged away to grin at Nathaniel again. "Now, if you're done asking questions, I'd like to have sex with you, please."

Nathaniel blushed bright red and stuttered the best word he had ever said in his entire life.

"O-Okay."


	18. Chapter 18

I propped my head up with my hand and smiled, taking advantage of this moment to examine Nathaniel, who was stretched out on his stomach beside me, fast asleep. I reached out a hand and lightly stroked down his bare spine, making him squirm. Good. It's about time he woke up. I'm pretty sure it's past ten A.M., and as much as I like staring at a naked Nathaniel, it gets rather boring after nine hours of not _doing_ anything. (Pun intended)

"Hey, Natty-boy," I purred in his ear, grinning. "If you don't wake up right now, I will be forced to jump you. Again. Whether you're asleep or not doesn't matter to me." Needless to say, I was rather disappointed when he almost immediately opened his eyes. He looked around, noticed our attire or lack thereof, and blushed an adorable pink.

"What?" he mumbled sleepily, and rubbed at his eyes. "Wait, so that _wasn't_ a dream?"

"I'm flattered that you have fantasies about me where that would have been normal in said dreams. But anyway, no, I'm afraid not. Why don't you try walking and see for yourself?" Oh boy, I was having a great time with this, if you couldn't tell. Even though he threw a fit and claimed to be the dominant one, he _still_ let me be on top. Haha. Just goes to show how I can talk my way into _anything_. (Man, where am I getting all these sex references?)

Nathaniel blushed a darker pink and hesitantly tried to sit up, only to squeak and fall over again. He sighed and glared weakly at me. "Wow, thanks Barty. Kitty will have a _fit_ if I'm limping around everywhere!" He frowned at me, but cuddled into my chest anyway, wrapping an arm around my waist. "Well then. I can't go and face Kitty and Jake like this. I see no problem with lying around in bed all day, in that case."

I grinned and kissed his forehead. "Dang, I really _am_ rubbing off on you people. Anyway, back to business! Was it everything that you hoped for in all those little fantasies of yours?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. Nathaniel blushed again, slumping in defeat.

"Yes, it was better than anything my imagination could ever come up with," he admitted, obviously embarrassed about actually saying it out loud. I giggled and kissed him again.

"Great! Then I suppose you have no problem with doing it again any time soon?" Nathaniel slapped my arm playfully, smiling through his blush now.

"Yeah yeah, sure, another time, whatever. All I ask is that you wait until I recover again, alright?"

"Deal!" I said cheerfully. I then wrapped my arms around Nathaniel and poked him in the nose. He looked like he actually wanted to _go_ _back to sleep_. "Hey, get up Natty-boy. I don't want to lie around for another four hours while you get your beauty rest, thanks. Besides, aren't you hungry? You should be after all that… exertion." I grinned at him again. Could you tell that I was very happy that he didn't outright forbid a round two? I was. I was _very_ happy.

After many jokes on my part, blushing on Nathaniel's, and much struggling with getting him actually out of bed, dressed, and to the point of not-collapsing, the kid eventually got breakfast. Or lunch. Whatever, it was poptarts at noon, call it brunch.

"I think I'm going to go take a shower. Maybe it'll wake me up a bit," he mumbled, after putting his plate in the sink. I snorted, and he blushed. 'Wake me up.' Haha. "Oh, shut up Barty. You know what I mean."

"Sorry, I can't help it. I'm still swooning over the fact that you actually let me—"

"Shower time!" he said, overly enthusiastic. He promptly fast-walked for the bathroom. Okay, so it was more of a limp. I held in a laugh and decided to try for that round two he didn't exactly disagree to.

"Hey, can I come with?"

His face turned a bright pink and he slammed the door closed. "No!" I chuckled. After that, I had to amuse myself for the next half hour. It wasn't easy, mind you. I even considered mortal TV for a source of entertainment, but soon decided I didn't want to go down that road. Ugh.

I was currently doodling a comic about stick-figure versions of our dysfunctional 'family.' Kitty was on top of the Empire State Building and Nathaniel and I were flying around in a plane trying to save an annoyed Jakob in a dress from the dreaded Kittyzilla. I perked up when I heard the bathroom door open, and I ran over and scooped Nathaniel up in a hug. "Have I ever mentioned how much I love you? Because I do. I love you a lot."

Nathaniel blushed and tried to wiggle away. "What? Oh, yes, I love you too. What's with the sudden outburst?"

"I was so bored I was close to watching television. Ugh." Judging by the face I made, he should have thought of TV as a horrible torture that the military uses to get terrorists to tell them all of their secrets.

"Oh, you poor thing. How will you ever survive?"

"I will, actually, now that you're out of the shower. I find you to be a great source of amusement." He blushed and opened his mouth to say something, but a knock on the front door cut him off. I scowled and cursed whoever it was, letting go of Nathaniel to stomp my way over and rip the thing open. Kitty and Jakob stood there staring at me, wide-eyed.

"It's already noon and you haven't come over to bother us yet. We were kind of worrying that Nathaniel died in the middle of the night or something." Haha. Death by pleasure.

"Who are you and what have you done with Bartimaeus?!" Jakob demanded.

I raised an eyebrow, hands on hips. "You interrupted us for _this_?!" I was summoning up all my energy to throw a full-blown tantrum when Kitty looked like a lightbulb went off in her head and she shoved past me. Jakob walked in after her and I closed the door a bit harder than necessary.

"Hey, Nathaniel!" Kitty said in a sugary-sweet voice. I noticed Natty had managed to limp his way over to the couch, and was staring at us with a wary expression on his face. "Would you mind coming over here? I need to tell you something." Panic flashed through his eyes, and I grinned.

"Why can't you come over here?" he asked, playing nervously with his sleeve.

"Why can't _you_ come over _here_?" Kitty demanded. He paled, and I laughed. He sighed and slowly stood up, shuffling his way pathetically over to us. Kitty was grinning like the sadist she is. Poor Nathaniel.

"Okay, no need to torture the boy," I said, barely holding in my laughter. I wrapped an arm around Nathaniel. He frowned and blushed some more, Kitty giggled, and Jakob looked confused.

"What are you laughing at?" he asked. Kitty snorted and whispered in his ear for a few seconds. His eyes widened, he glanced between Nathaniel and me, and then sighed. "Never mind. I have decided that I don't want to know."

"So anyway, why are you here, besides to annoy the crap out of me and make sure I haven't killed Natty-boy yet?" I demanded. I had _planned_ on a quiet evening _alone_ with Nathaniel, _helping_ him out of his shyness. _Emphasis_, gosh _darn it_.

"Well, uhm, I'm not sure about Jakob, but…" Kitty blinked and shifted nervously, looking up at Nathaniel. "It was real, wasn't it? We're all _immortal_ now," she whispered. A short silence followed, in which we all refused to look at each other.

"That's why I didn't want you to use the Stone," I snapped suddenly, examining a boring-looking spider that was crawling its way across the ceiling. "I _knew_ you were going to have second thoughts, I could just _feel_ it…"

"No, it's not that," Kitty said, visibly annoyed with me. "It's just a lot to take in at once, thanks. What if you found something that made you turn human so you could be with Nathaniel, and you heard about it, found it, and used it, all in one day, and then immediately passed out? What would you think if you woke up completely normal, huh?" I snorted.

"I seriously doubt anything as crazy as—"

"…Nathaniel saving your life, falling in love with you, and then becoming immortal via our new best friend, Nicholas Flamel, would happen?" Jakob chimed in innocently.

"…Good point."

"Yeah, it's really real, Kitty," Nathaniel said quietly. He leaned on my side, and I smiled, wrapping my other arm around him too.

"Now get out."

"What? But Bartimaeus, I figured since we were already over here we could—"

"No."

"Aw, come on!"

"No, I am not 'coming on.' Get out."

Kitty huffed and put her hands on her hips. "You have the rest of forever to do… uhm… yeah! Why can't we just sit around as friends and talk, just for today?"

"Mostly because Nathaniel _can't_ sit."

"…Oh."

"She's right, Bartimaeus," Nathaniel said quietly, still snuggling into my side. "We _do_ have forever. Besides, you were complaining about entertainment, right? Well, we're as good as a circus sometimes." I sighed

"Oh, alright. Come on and sit down, then." I dragged Nathaniel over to the couch and he sat in my lap. Kitty and Jakob sat on either side of us, while I stayed quiet for once. I had nothing to talk about.

"So, you guys had sex, right?" Kitty yelled bluntly. Jakob fell off the couch. Nathaniel burst out laughing, which made Kitty start laughing too. Jakob looked traumatized. I began braiding Nathaniel's hair again. Y'know, it's really tough to braid the hair of a guy that's jiggling around with laughter. My life is so hard.

It's going to be a long forever. A long, happy forever that all started with a simple pair of boots.

* * *

As much as I hate to admit it, this is the last chapter. D: I'm glad I don't have to constantly keep updating for this thing considering I'm having to write essays for English and I need all the writing energy I can get. However, I really liked this story, and I'm sad to see it over with. Since the day I finished reading the Bartimaeus Trilogy, I made up my own ending in my head so I wouldn't mope over Nathaniel. I was surprised that no one had caught that in the books it never really says what happened to the boots, and I have decided the boots need love too. xD Anyway, I have finally shown my version of events to the world, and I hope it keeps a few fangirls from constantly crying over our dear Natty-boy. If you really liked this fic, don't worry! I'll probably write a few mini stories about what happens with everyone if I get any ideas, but right now, all I can do is thank everyone that reads and does not flame the suckish ending. xD Don't hit your head, don't do anything I wouldn't do, yadda yadda! Peace out! Review tiem! 8D


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